Title: Bring Me Into the Light (16/?)
AUTHOR: Mistress Ace & Em
E-MAIL: rosewood@inreach.com & slayerbuffy@aol.com
FEEDBACK: Is the butter on our bread. We write because the story begs to be told. Feedback lets us know if we struck a chord with you.
DISTRIBUTION: Our site, Fandom Writers (http://www.fandomwriters.com), of course. FINNatics, Vamps-N-Slayers, the other list archives as well. Anyone else interested, we'll be happy to share.
RATING: NC-17
CATEGORY: Story: Romance, Angst
SPOILERS: As You Were
PAIRINGS: B/R/Sam, m/f, f/f
DISCLAIMER: Don't own the characters at all. (More's the pity) They belong to the Great God Joss Whedon et al. We are just borrowing them for a little bit. That's all. No BtVS characters were harmed in the writing of this fic. Well, maybe just a little.
SUMMARY: Not back for long enough. Not nearly long enough and there were too many things left up in the air. But isn't that the purpose of fan-fiction?
DEDICATION: From Ace: Well, to Em of course for bringing this Riley to the fore. For her lovely Buffy and for giving me the chance to get to know Sam. To Jenf'r for the original pairing idea and to our betas – you rock.
From Em: To all our dedicated readers, sorry for the delay on this chapter. Once again, the real world has caught up with us and we got a little behind. Still, we hope you enjoy the newest part!
 

Chapter 16

"I don't know how, Sam. I don't know how to live, or how to want to." Tears began to fill Buffy's eyes and the bleak despair that had been so much a part of her until last night returned with force. Harsher-seeming now because of the reprieve she'd had from it. "I gave up everything, Sam, everything. Then had it handed back to me but not completely. Twice in my life, though the first one wasn't as bad." She took a deep breath.

"I was happy in Heaven...happier than I could ever remember being. I was loved, completely, wholly, and I knew it would never be taken away. It would never leave me alone and afraid, and there were no conditions of it. No requirements, all I had to do was be. It would last forever. But then... then it was gone. I was alone again, in a box, underground. And from there, it got worse." Buffy buried her face against Sam's shoulder, crying from the depths of her shattered spirit. The desolation rolled over her again and she was drowning.

"Oh honey..." So much pain, more pain than she'd ever seen in her life. Sam held her close, rocked her and just let her cry. Tears wet her shirt and then her skin as Buffy clung to her, clutched at her like she was the only rock in a seething sea. The abrupt shift of emotion came as no surprise to Sam, not after what she'd witnessed the night before.

Two steps forward and one step back. But that's the way that healing went sometimes. Especially when the damage went this deep.

A few moments later, Buffy felt another pair of arms enfold her, felt herself being drawn back against a broad chest. Riley was behind her, molding his body around hers. It was obvious he'd heard part of their conversation because he was murmuring to her, his voice a deep, soothing rumble. "Never alone again. Never. As long as I'm alive, you will never be alone again."

This development put a serious tailspin on his original plan with the job offer. It had been his intention to get her trained while he and Sam handled missions elsewhere. Get Buffy up to speed without the distraction of their presence in her life. Strategically, it made sense.

Emotionally?

Not a chance.

That plan just went out the window. Given Buffy's condition, there was no way they could leave her like this. It looked like he was going to have to have a serious talk with Drum later today. With the right amount of pressure and persuasion, Drum might assign them to the Hellmouth for a few months until Buffy was ready to come on-line as a full operative.

He should be able to pull it off given there was always plenty of action in Sunnydale. More than enough to justify stationing two top agents here. Even with most of the vamp nests wiped out there were sole operatives like Spike and other demons that it would take awhile to round up. Reason enough for them to stay...

Leaning back against Riley, taking Sam with her because she wouldn't let go, Buffy continued to let the words spill out of her. Something inside of her had broken open, and she couldn't fight it. "It's just so hard. How can I live a life that I never wanted given back to me? How can I be expected to cope with Earth again after where I was? But I had to... I was alone. Mom gone, Giles left, Willow wanting me to be grateful when she thought she'd rescued me from hell, Dawn just so glad that I was back that she never thought about how I would deal with it."

She finally had a sympathetic ear. Something she'd needed ever since she crawled up out of her own grave. Both Sam and Riley were holding her and listening with great care as she poured her heart out. "I never hated my life more than I have these past months. I have no life, not anymore. Everything now has just been pain, and if I didn't know that suicide would likely keep me from being allowed back, I'd have just died again. God knows I wanted to..."

On someone else, the outburst would have been nothing but a cry for attention. Any overt mention of suicide usually was – those who really planned to do it, never talked about it. They just did it. But that wasn't the case here. Buffy wasn't looking for sympathy.

She was telling the truth and Riley knew it.

He could hear it in her voice.

Could feel it in his bones.

So much despair in those quiet words, dark and black like the worst places he'd been. But that was just it, this was his strength here because he'd had been down that road. He'd held the gun in his hand, turned it over and over while saying his final prayers. He'd opened his mouth and shoved the barrel in between his teeth and clicked the safety off. He'd sat there in the darkness of his tent, with the sounds of the night alive around him and kept his finger on the trigger while sweat rolled down his face.

He'd been where she was and managed to find his way back.

She could too.

And for once, for once, he could actually help her. Be more than just the Slayer's accessory. No more 'sorry Charlie, you're just not dark enough'. Spike had been wrong. He was dark enough. More than dark enough. "Buffy, you're not alone in that. In wanting to die. I know how you feel. I know how hard it is some mornings to drag yourself out of bed to face another day. You do have one thing that none of us have though."

Sam kissed her forehead, wiping away Buffy's tears as she watched Riley. He looked calm and collected but she could see the shimmer of unshed tears in his steady gaze. There were things he hadn't told her, bad things... things that he probably shouldn't tell her. Like why Graham made sure Riley's service revolver was empty every night for the first few months she'd known them.

Buffy turned halfway toward him and Riley continued, "You know there is a heaven. And you will go there someday. You'll be back with your mom and everyone that loves you when the time comes. I promise you." He stopped for a moment, looked away from both of them and wiped a hand over his eyes. A hand that shook as the images rolled past inside his head.

Dead. Buffy dead. Her body broken on a pile of rubble while all her friends gathered around her. And he hadn't been there. He'd been holed up in a tent in Belize feeling sorry for himself while she'd sacrificed her life to save the world.

Again.

Jesus, he didn't deserve this woman. And yet... here she was in his arms. By some miracle she was back in his life and he was going to make sure she stayed there until her time came.

There were faint smears left behind on his cheek although his voice stayed just as steady as before. "I promise that when you do die again, no one will bring you back. I won't allow it and neither will Sam. We will let you lay down your arms and rest." Let her have the reward that she so richly deserved. Nobody should be expected to fight endlessly.

Nobody was strong enough to handle an eternity of the horrors Buffy faced every night.

Nobody.

"I wish you'd been here when I came back. Wish you both had been. I can't imagine that I would be so screwed up if I'd just had a little support and understanding. I never wanted them to be sorry for what they'd done. I just wanted them to acknowledge what had happened and give me the help I needed so badly and didn't know how to ask for. And they didn't. They never saw that I was torn apart inside." Buffy looked up at Riley, her eyes glistening as she struggled to control her tears. "All I ever wanted, for as long as I can remember, was to not be alone."

She shifted her gaze to meet Sam's, complete honesty in them as she struggled for the words she needed to explain what she was feeling. "When I became the Slayer, I struggled to hold on to my life as it had been. I made friends and had a life outside of Slaying, because I couldn't bear being alone. But the people closest to me have always left me in some way or another. My first watcher. Pike. My father. Angel, twice. Then Riley. My mom. Giles."

She shook her head, missing Riley's wince at the mention of his name. "I don't know how to cope anymore. Everyone I've ever loved in any way has left me... and if it's such a pattern, doesn't it have to be something about me that's lacking?"

So here was it was again, the crux of the problem. Buffy's fear of abandonment. There was only one way to deal with it. Carefully. "No. No, it doesn't, Buffy." Sam shifted off her lap so they both could hold her. There were gentle hands in Buffy's hair, an equally gentle mouth on her cheek, kissing her lightly. "You aren't lacking. You are a beautiful, vibrant woman who has an incredible gift. There is nothing wrong with you."

Riley echoed Sam's words, while cursing himself for his own stupidity. He never should have listened to Spike, never should have let that vamp get under his skin. "There is nothing wrong with you. People die, Buffy. It happens. Things fall apart and it isn't anyone's fault. If I'd talked to you instead of retreating into my own pity party, I would never have left. As long as we talk to each other... as long as we remember that no matter what happens, we love each other, then we can get through anything."

He smoothed her hair with one hand, keeping her cradled against his chest. There were so many things he regretted, so damn many things. But he couldn't change the past. All he could do was affect the future. "I'm sorry we weren't here when they raised you. Let us help now... please?"

"Yes," she answered without a second thought. There was no need to think about it. Being with them was what she wanted.

"I need you, both of you. I can't do it alone, I never could." Buffy clung to them both, holding tightly. "I know in my heart that I belong with you. We covered that last night pretty well." She smiled as she remembered everything, then continued, her tone softer, "It just may take a while before my mind really believes it. It's not that I don't believe in you; it's that it's so hard to believe in me."

Her last words were spoken softly, so soft that they were barely audible. But she knew they heard her, and it was enough that she'd admitted it.

"We believe in you, Buffy," Sam spoke first, her tone calm and steady, she was their anchor, their rock. She placed a gentle kiss on Buffy's mouth and wiped her tears away. There was nothing but love in those light touches. Nothing but respect in her quiet declaration. "We'll always believe in you."

"We believe in you. And belong with you and to you..." Riley murmured as he hid his own tears from Buffy. Not so much because he was ashamed of them as he did not want to add to her burden. Everyone in Buffy's life added to the weight that she carried on her narrow shoulders. He was determined to bear some of that weight himself rather than pile more on.

He wiped at his eyes again and his self-conscious laugh was a wet sound in the back of his throat. Buffy was right, they'd covered a lot of ground last night. Between making love and talking, they'd touched on so many things he'd kept buried inside. But there were still so many things that had gone unsaid.

And maybe that's why when he opened his mouth again, Riley spoke his mind without considering the consequences. Without weighing every word for the impact it would have. "I wish I could marry both of you."

Once again caught completely by surprise, Buffy jumped lightly and stared up at Riley. She had no idea he'd ever thought of marrying her... it had never crossed her mind, knowing her probable life span. As a young girl she'd dreamed of being married, of the day when she would have a new name and a husband to love her for the rest of their lives. It was a dream she'd given up when she faced the reality of being the Slayer; she knew she wasn't likely to live long enough to have that kind of life.

"D-do you?" Buffy's voice was a bare whisper, disbelief warring with hope. "Really?" She barely dared to hope it was true, though the reality was that it wasn't allowed. Deep down she knew it, but it would help a little to know that he would want to.

Looking up at Sam, a little worried that he'd said too much, Riley only found what he'd seen there all morning and most of last night. Complete acceptance and unconditional love. For both of them.

Thank God.

It wasn't like his wanting to marry Buffy was a secret to Sam. He had no secrets where Sam was concerned. She even knew about the ring. He'd shown it to her when he'd first started talking about Buffy. Sam had held it in her hands and traced the engravings of their names. Then asked him why he hadn't given it to the girl that he loved so much.

That had been a long night for both of them. A very long night and by the end of it, he and Sam were even better friends.

After a moment, Sam nodded clasping Buffy's left hand in hers. Riley did the same, covering Sam's hand with his own. A stray shaft of sunlight caught the glimmer of gold as their rings clinked together while they held their lover's hand.

"Yes. I do," he answered quietly. It was time to come clean on that score. There had been so many secrets between him and Buffy. Too many secrets. "I wanted to ask you before school started last year. I went to Giles looking for his permission. Even bought a ring... still have it."

Buffy's eyes grew huge and shimmered again with emotions she could barely sort out let alone put names to. "Why? Why didn't you? Why keep it?" her voice, hesitant whisper though it was, trembled with myriad emotions: shock, because she'd never known he felt so strongly about her, love, hope, disappointment, and many more of the feelings that were tearing through her.

"Why keep it? Simple. It's a memory of what I lost." She'd twisted in his arms until she was looking right at him. And saw the tear tracks on his face. That sight alone stunned her into absolute silence.

Riley never cried.

He hadn't cried when he was sick from withdrawal, when Maggie's drugs had worn off and left him strung out. He hadn't cried when Angel had beaten him almost into unconsciousness. He hadn't cried that last night when he cornered her in the Magic Box and made her face the fact that she didn't love him... or so he thought.

There had been no tears then so seeing tears now was a shock. As were the words that kept coming, "I went to Giles because he's the closest thing to a father you had. I'm an old-fashioned guy, Buffy. I wanted his approval."

"You were everything to me. You were the one." His hand tightened over Sam's and hers. "But Giles laid down the law that night and told me some home truths that scared me a little. That scared me a lot. When I got over being scared... the Dark Prince had come and gone." The incident with Dracula had been a turning point, the point where Riley had lost faith... in himself. In his ability to be what Buffy wanted, what she needed.

Buffy blinked and shook her head. "You should've gone to my mom... she would've been so happy. You're the kind of man that every woman wants for her daughter, you know. And Giles... Giles was kind of lost, at that time. He only really came back to himself after the Dracula thing, when I asked him to be my Watcher again. I'm sure he felt awful about it, but he's British... he couldn't just back down."

She continued softly, "I-I'm sorry that you had to go through that... it doesn't sound pleasant. He was probably drinking," she guessed as Buffy remembered how her Watcher had been over that summer. Angry, drinking a lot, almost seeming depressive at times. "Mom trusted you, Riley, and she liked you. She knew that you made me happy, and she would have loved for you to be part of our family."

Her hand tightened in theirs briefly as she dropped her eyes. Finally, after considering for a few moments, she said, "Thank you for telling me, Riley. It means a lot to me... just to know that you'd like to marry me. I'd love it, too... but I don't think it's allowed, a 3-way marriage, I mean..." She stumbled to a halt, her voice quivering.

Buffy was right, he should have gone to her mom. But after Giles' impassioned rant against Buffy ever marrying and how dangerous it would be for her to have babies, he'd been too shaken up. He'd felt like he was being selfish in even considering it. Buffy didn't belong to him alone. She belonged to the world.

And now she belonged to them. He ducked his head down so when she finally looked up, they were eye-to-eye. Hoping for a bit of a smile, Riley murmured, "You're right. They aren't legal, not even in Utah."

That quiet comment elicited a chuckle from Sam, who smiled at both of them. How typically Riley Finn. All caution on the outside but when it came to the important things, the personal things, he'd bottle them up inside until they came out in a rush like this. Usually with humor sprinkled in to soften the blow.

His own proposal to her had been like that. They were in transit to a drop and he'd been antsy all day. Fumbling with something in his pocket and staring off into space until she nudged him with her shoulder and asked what was wrong. The next thing she knew, he was on one knee in front of the whole squad asking her to make an honest man out of him. She wasn't sure who was more surprised, her or Graham... or Riley himself.

And even though this was the same level of surprise, Sam was glad Riley finally opened up about wanting to marry Buffy. It was one less secret between them. And maybe it would help Buffy feel more secure. "Well, if it was legal, I'd be all for it. I need all the help I can keeping Finn in line."

When they got back to quarters, she was going to dig up that ring box and needle him until he gave it to Buffy. Sam wanted the ring to represent something happy instead of something sad. All it would take would be a few nudges in the right direction. And maybe some hard shoves. "Ry... this doesn't have to be, you know. Legal, that is."

"Sam," Buffy spoke gently, looking up slowly at the other woman. "You don't have to push him. I gave up on the hope of getting married shortly after I was Called. Never expected to live long enough to, after all. As long as I know how things are, I'm okay." And it was true enough, for the most part. She truly wasn't trying to push anyone, and didn't want Sam to push Riley.

Shaking her head, Sam didn't look embarrassed at all by Buffy's quiet rebuke. Not at all. "It's not a push, Buffy. Trust me. Look at him." She knew her husband. Knew him better than anyone else in the world and the wheels were definitely turning in Riley's head.

Unaware of Sam's scrutiny, Riley was seriously considering the possibility. Ticking through all the ins and outs of such an arrangement. No, it couldn't be legal - other than his setting up their wills that everything they owned would revert to Buffy and Dawn if something happened on a mission. They didn't have a lot but the work did pay well and there was a lot of life insurance. Enough that the Summers women would be set up for life.

Riley was the unit's tactician, the one who ran all the scenarios in his head that kept their casualties to a minimum. If he could deploy a full squad of forty against impossible odds and bring them all back alive, he could certainly figure out a way to do what his heart wanted. It wouldn't be legal. But it would be the next best thing.

Drum probably wouldn't like it and Gray was gonna hit the roof but the only other person who's opinion really mattered was Sam. And she was all for it, she was eager even. It could work.

Buffy shifted her gaze at Sam's direction, looking at Riley. He looked like he was contingency planning, he had that set expression on his face. But there was a glow in his eyes that she hadn't seen in a very long time. She bit her lip, trying to figure out just what he was thinking about... but all she could do was think that it had something to do with the marriage subject. Could he really be considering it?

Wouldn't it get him - both of them - into trouble with the military?

Finally, with her thoughts and questions troubling her, she just asked. "Wouldn't it get you into trouble with the military, though? Doing something that's not really legal? I don't want to make trouble or cause problems... especially not for either of you..."

Buffy's quiet question and genuine concern caught Riley's attention. He shot her a calculated look, one that clearly stated his mind was made up on the subject. What he had to say next merely confirmed it.

"They won't recognize it officially but we can choose who to list on our benefits. And one of our shamans has four wives so I'm not too worried about the guys not understanding. Might be better if we did play it off that way... We aren't strictly Corps but the whole 'Don't ask, don't tell' is still an issue." Riley ran a hand through his hair as he redirected his gaze at Sam. She was the one who actually had something to lose here. "Better they think I've got two wives."

Buffy tilted her head, a little confused. "Riley... the 'Don't ask, don't tell' issue?" She'd succeeded in following him until that point, and picked up again afterwards... but the middle piece was something she didn't understand.

"Don't ask, don't tell - current military standing on..." He stopped, a bright blush coloring his cheeks and ears. Strange the things he was able to say and the things he had trouble with. Even now, even after last night. Even with knowing that Sam usually preferred women in her bed. And proved it in a way that was going to be featured in his dreams for years to come.

"On same-sex partners," Sam provided, holding back her laughter. Riley was already embarrassed, not need to add to it. "It's mainly a problem for guys but women can catch it too. Ry's right, better to have everybody think he's sleeping with both of us than the full truth." Their getting married had squashed the rumors about her preferences and Sam didn't want to rock that particular boat. So it was best they kept that part of their relationship under wraps.

At least until the squad got used to Riley disappearing every night with the two of them in tow.

"Oh, right. They kinda frown on that stuff, don't they? So we have to behave in public - like really behave." Buffy considered that, then shrugged. She could handle that kind of hiding. "Considering the situations we're likely to be in more often than not, it probably won't be that hard. Or am I wrong in assuming that most of your missions are high-stress and low-fun?" She didn't really think she was wrong, but she asked anyway. Just on principle.

Riley nodded, she'd summed up their work really well. "Yep. Firefights, bug-hunts and high body counts. To be honest, Drum normally turns a blind eye at what happens in the field after lights out. I'm pretty sure he'd let us pitch tents together... It's mainly amongst civvies that we gotta be careful."

That comment drew another broad smile from Sam. "Been careful all my life, Finn. You're the only one who seriously pegged me." Laughter in her eyes, there always seemed to be laughter where Sam was. Either in her voice or in her eyes, now that she'd gotten over her nervousness around Buffy, her sense of humor had returned in force. "The rest of those clowns really don't have a clue."

"Well, the guys who know me won't expect it of me - probably the opposite – given my history with you. I can be discreet... keeping a secret identity secret was good practice, you know." Buffy smiled back at Sam, enjoying her lover's infectious good humor. It helped her to relax, to feel more positive about things. And she needed that, very much.

Then she winked, gently teasing, "We'll just have to be subtle... what they do pick up on, they'll probably assume is directed at him."

"It's good for his image. The squad already thinks he walks on water. This will raise him to God status." She managed to keep a straight face for about twenty seconds. After that, Sam collapsed into full-on laughter. It was just too funny.

Riley managed to hold out for about thirty seconds more, trying to look stern. But it was no use. In his head there was this image of Graham Miller watching him in sheer astonishment come the first mission with both Sam and Buffy on board and they all retired to the same tent. He'd be living Gray's favorite fantasy. His laughter rang out, loud and clear, filling the room with that joyful sound.

Buffy, having known Graham, tried to picture his reaction to the three of them together and ended up grinning. The guy gave a whole new definition to the term stiff. "Sounds like a fun thing to spring on your friends, guys." She giggled softly. "Way to shock 'em."

Tears were over and that was a good thing. Buffy was relaxed and laughing along with them and while the majority of the issues hadn't been worked out completely, the largest ones had been tackled. Riley glanced at the clock, they probably had time to get Buffy home before Dawn went to school. After that, there were a lot of phone calls to be made and meetings set up.

Riley did indulge himself in one warm kiss on Buffy's shoulder, right where the nightgown had slipped down. She shivered, pressing back against him, her lithe body shifting closer. So easy, it would be so easy to simply go back to bed. But duty called and Riley Finn was never one to shirk his duty. "Hey, when is Dawn supposed to be at school?"

"Oh, crap." Reminded of her 'parental' duties, Buffy glanced at the clock; she relaxed slightly when she saw the time. "In about 45 minutes. I have just enough time to get home for breakfast, if I go now." She paused, then pressed on. She didn't really want to go home alone. "Would you like to come with? No one would mind... and I'd like it if you did..."

Letting her go wasn't easy but Riley managed it. He even pushed the strap of her nightgown back into place for her before she stood up. "Think Dawnie'd be okay with us showing up on the doorstep this soon?" Willow and Xander, Riley wasn't too worried about. Dawn? Whole different story.

Dawn gave a whole new spin on petulance where Sam was concerned.

Sam was already on her feet and moving, gathering up Buffy's clothes from the night before and shaking them out, smoothing the wrinkles as she laid them on the bed. She shot them both a look over one shoulder. "What he means is, we'd love too. If you're certain it wouldn't cause any problems."

Buffy relaxed, trusting Sam's reassurances. Riley's hesitation had worried her a little. "Honestly, I think she'd take it better than if I came home alone at this hour. At least she'd know I wasn't in trouble and just trying to hide it. She'd know I was safe last night." She shook her head lightly. "How she'll take us is a different matter, but that will have to wait for after school. There won't be time this morning."

Joining Sam, Buffy hesitantly picked up her clothes to start dressing. It was a good thing it wouldn't take long to get home; she needed a clean outfit, badly. Between the vamp dusting, the dancing and... other activities, her clothes were a little worse for wear. And there wasn't time for a shower.

"That's going to be quite the talk. How much do you plan on telling her?" Not for the first time Riley wondered how many mornings she'd come home after being out all night and not because of the slaying gig. How many nights had she spent with Spike that Dawn would be concerned about her safety? Did Dawn even know about the things with Spike or was it just a general worry because her sister was the Slayer?

Rather than asking those questions, he rose from the couch and set about dressing himself. Something low-key and not in black. No need to draw attention to himself. Jeans and a sweater would work just fine. He could tuck his baton in his boot and a tazer in the small of his back. There was no forgetting he was still in Sunnydale. This was a place where you never went anywhere without a weapon or three.

Knowing Sam, she probably already had three or four knives strapped in place. As she leaned over to gather up the loose foil on the floor, Riley spotted the sheath tucked into the back waistband of her jeans. Easy enough to target the others, one strapped to the left calf, one tucked into the sheath under her arm. As she pulled on a leather jacket, Riley grinned. There was a whole arsenal hidden in that coat.

Without looking at Riley, and so not noticing his distraction as he searched Sam visually for weapons, Buffy replied softly, "I will never tell her about Spike, if that's what you mean. But I will not hide our relationship or any of its twists from her. She deserves to know the truth, especially since it makes me happy. However much she wants to know, I'll tell her. What you want to tell her about our time apart or before, is up to you."

She looked up at them, a trace of a smile on her face. "Ours is an honest relationship, an honest love. There's nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of... and I see no reason to keep it from my family. They'll understand, and be happy for us." And they would be. Maybe not all at once, or right away... but they would. Willow definitely would, once she got past the multiple people thing. Xander would take a while longer. And Dawn's only problem would be Sam. Anya wouldn't care either way, and Giles wasn't here to object anymore, so they weren't really part of the equation.

Half-dressed, Riley sat down on the bed and pulled his boots out from under it. The relief was evident in his voice as he tugged first one on and then the other. "Thank you. I didn't want to hide anything from them. There's been enough of that." Dawn was young but she wasn't stupid. The best thing that could be done was tell her the truth. And it wasn't like Willow was going to make a judgement call where Sam was concerned.

Xander might be a tougher sell. He was seriously a monogamy boy and given his fiancée's prior profession, Riley didn't hold it against him. Hell, he'd been a poster boy for the whole monogamy lifestyle up until last night. And man, he was going to be in so much trouble with his mom over this.

But it was worth it. More than worth it to have Buffy and Sam in his life.

"Far too much of it." Sam's comment was sharp as she remembered the things they'd discussed in the very room. The secrets and the lies and the fears that seemed to go hand-in-hand with living in Sunnydale had no business in their relationship. Twisting the truth a little to get around regs was one thing – but lying to Buffy's support group, such as it was, was a whole different subject.

Buffy dropped her eyes guiltily and fell silent. She finished dressing without another word, unable to say anything after Sam's biting tone. When she finished buttoning her blouse, Buffy stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. She needed a moment to calm herself; plus, she really needed to use the bathroom.

"Sam," was all Riley said. But the censure was clear without him voicing it. He was certain her comment wasn't directed at Buffy but nonetheless, it had struck home. Riley pulled on his sweater, tucked it into his jeans and pushed the sleeves up to the elbow while he gave Buffy a few minutes of privacy. Finally he walked over to the bathroom door and waited a second or two before knocking. "Buffy?"

Fragile, Buffy was fragile and she'd forgotten that fact. Put her foot in it again by being too forceful. Something she seemed to do with alarming regularity since hitting Sunnydale proper. Sam dropped down onto the bed and leaned back against the headboard. It was best to let Ry deal with her fuck-up this time. He knew Buffy better and Buffy trusted him.

"Just a minute," Buffy's muffled voice answered Riley's. The water had been running in the bathroom for several minutes, but a moment after it fell silent as the door opened slowly. Buffy's normally pale face was pink from cold water and quick drying, and the strands of hair around her face were wet. After standing in the doorway for a minute or two, she left the bathroom uneasily. She found herself unable to look at them once again; the truth hurt.

Seeing her like this, unable to look him in the eye cut deep and sharp. He understood what was going on, knew her guilt complex inside and out. Had a healthy one all on his own which made it easier to understand somebody else's. Stepping forward, Riley took her hand and led her back into the main room. "Buffy, stop. No judgements here, remember?"

Pushing off from the headboard, Sam rose gracefully to her feet and took Buffy's other hand. "I'm sorry. Sometimes I speak without thinking. That wasn't about you... It wasn't."

When Buffy finally looked up at her, Sam tucked a lock of hair behind her own ear and darted a quick look at Riley, more specifically at where his sweater was pushed up past the elbows. The white scars peppered his skin, permanent reminders of what secrets could cause. "It was about Ry. And the dumb things he did rather than talk to you. He's stubborn and I didn't... Look, I'm sorry. I open my mouth sometimes and all the wrong things come out."

"It's okay, Sam. Whether or not it was directed at me doesn't make it any less true. I have a lot on my conscience; I always have and always will. I'm sorry if I mistook your meaning, though." There was no blame in Buffy's tone, just a pained acceptance of her past. There had been so many secrets over the years, so many lies and attempts to divert the truth by changing the subject.

"I started young," she continued, an edge of self-hate creeping back into her tone. "At 15, I was lying to my parents about my nighttime activities: sneaking out at night to patrol, staying late at school training instead of studying, skipping out even when I was grounded, fighting for my life with no one the wiser. I did it for two whole years before my mom found out. How do you maintain a secret identity without lying to people? I dunno how Superman did it."

"Hey, newsflash here." Riley's quiet voice was a soothing balm to both of them. Their own personal voice of reason, just as he'd always tried to be. "We all have secrets. My folks have no idea what I do and neither do Sam's. We're going to have to keep this... us a secret outside of Sunnydale. We're lucky, we've got people we can share this with. I want Dawn and Xander and Anya and Willow to know. I want them to know that we are with you and we support you and like them... we love you."

He slipped an arm around Sam and disentangled his hand from Buffy's so he could slide the other one around her. While Buffy watched Sam and Sam watched Buffy, he kissed each of them. Gently at first and then passionately, pouring every ounce of feeling he could into each kiss.

The list he'd given them was a little short. There was one other person in good old Sunnydale that he wanted made aware of their arrangement. Not that he was actually a person. Or that Riley was going to seek him out. But if Spike stumbled across the news, Riley wasn't going to deny it. He wasn't going to parade around naked in front of the vamp but he wasn't going to hide it either.

Buffy curled in close to them both, relaxing again under the influence of their love. They stood there for a few minutes, comfortable, reassuring, gentle... all the things she needed. With a soft sigh and a glance at the clock, Buffy reluctantly pulled away. "If we're gonna get home before Dawn leaves, we need to go..."

Riley nodded and released both of them, glad they'd made it over another hurdle. Nobody said this was going to be easy. "Feel like driving?" Riley asked, shocking both Sam and Buffy. He pulled down the sleeves of his sweater and adjusted the neck of it before pulling on his jacket. The tazer slid into the belt holster with a tiny click and the baton followed as he slipped it into his boot.

"Which one of us?" Sam shot back, after picking up her jaw from the floor. He couldn't be offering to let Buffy drive, now could he? The world was definitely coming to an end.

"Buffy. Already know and trust your driving, Sam. We're going to be working together, I gotta know that every member of my team's a hundred percent on all the equipment." He held up the card key for the SUV and offered it to Buffy. This was the first sign of real trust outside of the bedroom. His way of cementing the partnership. Plus he did need to know she could handle the vehicle. That bit of knowledge could save their lives one day.

Eyes wide, Buffy took the card from him. He was trusting her with his toy, his precious SUV? Had she shaken him that badly that he felt he needed to prove something? No, that wasn't him. She looked up at him and nodded. "I can do it," she said. "And, thanks." Gathering her wits together, she smiled cheekily at him. "Cool! We ready to go?"

Riley opened the door to their room and checked the hall. Force of habit, you never knew who might be on the other side. Especially in Sunnydale. But the hall was deserted and he held the door open for them. Buffy slipped past, her hand lingering on his chest for a moment but Sam stopped in the doorway.

She tilted her head up to look at Riley, checking for any hint of the shadows that had followed him for as long as she'd known him. They were gone, the only thing that showed in his clear eyes was his love for her and for Buffy.

It was wonderful to see him like this, see him at a true one hundred percent.

Smiling up at Riley, she pulled him down for a quick kiss, then pushed away, calling out, "Shotgun."

 
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