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Past Tense
By Alexandra Huxley
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Riley stood there watching her walk away from him, not entirely sure of what had just happened but feeling that it was something important. He walked slowly down the hall, down the stairs, and towards the kitchen.

Scary. The word triggered something in his subconscious, but he couldn't quite reach it. It would come to him, he thought, as he followed her into the kitchen, just a few paces behind. Behind enough to have missed Willow's questioning look and Buffy's answering smile, but in time to see the two women come together in a clinging hug, a flood of apologies coming from each of them.

Willow turned to Riley with a huge smile, letting go of Buffy and throwing her arms around him. She pulled away and wiped some tears from her eyes. Turning back to Buffy she said, "Thought we lost you there for a little while."

"Yeah, me too," answered Buffy, her eyes clouded with tears as well. "Umm, bacon?" she asked, as the unmistakable burning smell overtook the room.

"Bacon. Right," Willow said briskly. She turned to the stove and pulled the skillet off the burner. "Sit, sit." She dished out bacon and toast and omelets to Buffy and Riley who were now sitting at the counter. "Don't fill up. Cinnamon rolls are in the oven."

"See?" Buffy said to Riley with a smile as she bit off a piece of bacon. "Will – I was gonna make pancakes. You beat me to the punch."

"I got breakfast. Buffy-guilt can take care of dinner." Willow joined them at the counter with her own full plate.

They all looked up as Dawn came in the room. "Are you o.k.?" she asked Buffy, her arms folded in front of her chest and her body tense. Buffy stood and approached Dawn slowly, relieved when Dawn returned her hug. Just barely, but at least she did it. "Dawn, I'm…"

Dawn cut her off. "Who's driving me to school? We need to leave in ten minutes." She grabbed a piece of bacon and left the kitchen without an answer.

Willow said to Buffy, "Seven."

"Seven point five," Buffy replied.

"And you're scoring…?" Riley asked.

"The Buff Rebuff," Willow said. "Usually she hits at least 8.5 first thing in the morning but she was pretty worried last night."

"We all were," came Xander's voice from the doorway. He took a step toward Buffy, cringing as she gave him a hug. "Careful please. Minor bruising."

Buffy pulled away. "Xander, I'm so, so sorry."

"No need to apologize. Really. It's nice to focus on physical pain for a little while. So I should actually be thanking you." He eased himself down onto a stool, wincing as he brought his feet up to the bottom rung.

"Did you stay here last night?" Dawn asked Xander as she came back into the kitchen, backpack slung over her shoulder.

"Sure did." After leaving the emergency room at two a.m., Xander and Tara had come back to Buffy's. He assumed Tara had gone home soon afterwards – he had been drowsy from the painkillers and after checking in on Buffy, he had gone straight to sleep. "Feeling nostalgic, I guess. It's been a while since I've slept on a couch."

"And you? You didn't go home either?" Dawn asked Riley.

Riley met her look head on as he answered, "No, ma'am. But I really do need to get there soon. If you're ready to go, I can take you to school."

Dawn glanced at Buffy before turning back to Riley and saying, "O.k. Can we stop for doughnuts on the way?" She abruptly whirled on her heel and walked out the door, calling out behind her, "Don't get poked by any more demons!"

"So, I guess we're leaving now," Riley said, his amused smile fading as he saw the look on Buffy's face. He stood. "Thanks, Willow. That was great. Guess I'll see you guys later." He reached down for his bag and headed toward the door.

"Wait – Riley," Buffy said, coming after him and grabbing his hand as he turned back to her. "Will we, ummm…" She glanced at Willow and Xander, suddenly feeling very awkward. "Will you be around later? Have dinner with us?"

He looked into her eyes and saw all the questions and doubts and insecurities that were reflected there. But hope, too. And maybe a little bit of a smile.

"Sure. That would be nice. I'll come by after work," he said.

She squeezed his hand as he pulled away from her. "Careful out there," she said.

"With Dawn? Or with the day job?" he asked, smiling.

"Both." She had forgotten how hard it was to let him leave, back when he was still in the Initiative and facing the same things she did. It was easier after Adam fell because he wasn't going out there every day and putting his life on the line. And besides, after that she had always made sure that he didn't go out there alone. Whenever she could, at least. But he wasn't hers to protect anymore. She wasn't even sure what he needed protecting from.

She pulled his hand back to her and pulled him into a full hug, not caring that Willow and Xander were taking this all in, not caring that there was no dream to use as an excuse. Her arms wrapped tightly around him and her head on his chest, she held him there, savoring his warmth and strong arms around her back. She didn't let go until there was a sound of the car horn honking from outside.

She reached her hand up to his cheek and said, "Please be careful."

"You already said that."

"Riley…"

"O.k. Yeah, I will," he said, a little puzzled by her intensity. "You too, o.k.? I'll see you tonight?"

She nodded and let go, waving as he closed the door behind him. She turned to Willow and Xander who were looking at her strangely. "I'm just…" Just what? Afraid to be happy again? Afraid to lose him again? "I don't know. Yesterday was weird." Afraid he won't want me when he sees who I really am? "I'm hungry. Let's eat."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

That was different, he thought as he walked to the car. This new Buffy was hard to get used to. Much more vulnerable than she was when he left. Much more emotional.

Much more dangerous.

He heard the car door slam and Dawn came running past him and back to the house, muttering something about a forgotten term paper.

Riley watched Dawn go and caught a glimpse of Buffy as the door slammed shut. It was only a week and she was already getting to him. Making him think that she needed him. Pulling him into her circle and accepting him into her life again. He felt like he was on a ride that had spun out of control.

He wasn't sure what he had expected when he came back to Sunnydale, but he certainly hadn't expected anything to happen quite so fast. Because fast was no good. Hell, a week ago she was sleeping with Spike. She might still be for all Riley really knew. And a week ago he went to bed with his wife, perfectly – well, almost perfectly – content with the life that he had managed to rebuild. A life he had no right to be living after the mess he had made of it.

And yet here they were, one week later. Falling into the patterns of a long ago life, like a couple that had gotten used to one another's companionship and counted on it to get through the day. Ignoring past offenses because it was easier to just smile it all away. Forgoing hunger and passion in the light of mid-day and instead just being grateful for a warm body to lie next to when the night was too dark.

Was that love or just familiarity? The path of least resistance. Where they had been when he left for Belize. Not exactly where he wanted to go back.

"Tough night, huh?"

Riley jumped at Xander's voice coming from right behind him. He had been so lost in thought that he hadn't noticed Xander had come outside. "Had worse."

"I bet," Xander said. "So – where's the happy?"

"The happy?" Riley asked, leaning back against the car.

"Yeah. What is it with you two?" Xander asked, an edge to his voice.

"What do you mean?" Riley said guardedly, not used to this Xander either. A lot really had changed in a year.

"I mean that I haven't seen that look in her eye in a long time, but she's drowning her sorrows in cinnamon rolls, too proud to just come out and say it. And you – you come back here – you leave your *wife* for her – and yet you're too blind to see that she's in love with you. Still. Even after that ridiculous stunt you pulled."

"She's not-"

"The fact that she's even willing to talk to you should be enough. But letting you see her like she was last night?"

"She didn't have much of a choice. Willow-" Riley mumbled, a little stunned at the vehemence in Xander's tone.

Xander continued as if Riley hadn't spoken. "She doesn't let people take care of her like that. Not me, not Giles, not even Willow. Her Mom, Angel, and you. If you can't see that – if you can't see how much you mean to her – then you don't deserve her."

"Gee, Xander – don't worry about holding back. Tell me how you really feel." Riley had only seen Xander like that once before, a long time ago, only this time there was more anger behind the words. And this time he wasn't about to run off to Willy's.

For a second it looked like Xander was going to come at Riley swinging, but then he sank back against the car, deflated. "I just screwed up the best thing I've ever had," he said, shaking his head. "If Anya even let me come close after what I did to her? I'd feel like the luckiest man alive." He looked at Riley. "You got your second chance. Don't screw it up."

Definitely a different Xander, Riley thought. "Blind, huh?"

"As a bat."

Riley looked up at the house. Buffy was standing at the window, watching them. She smiled tentatively when she saw him look up. When had he started doubting her? What had happened to the man who wasn't going to walk away? When had he given up?

He smiled back at her, a shock going through him as her smile broadened. Well this was a new way of looking at things. Maybe things weren't happening too fast. Maybe it had been there this whole time, simmering under the surface until they found each other again. Could that really be? Was that possible?

"You know," Xander said, "you'd think that in your line of work, you'd just grab the brass ring when it's handed to you. When any day could be your last…"

"I got it, Xander."

"Too much?"

"A bit."

"Yeah. Should've known when the clichés started coming. I always do that."

They stood there in silence for a minute, each caught up in his own thoughts, before Riley said, "So was that what you came out here to tell me?"

"No, I was kind of stalling and just got on a roll."

Apparently. "Anya?" Riley asked.

"Yeah."

"You heard from her?"

"No." Xander looked down at the ground. "Have you found her?"

Riley looked at him, not sure how Xander would react. He hadn't decided whether to tell Xander that he was looking for her, but he wasn't going to lie about it. "Nope. It's harder than I remembered to do a covert search like that. Hell, it's harder to do a search," he said, thinking about the marine he had spent yesterday morning dealing with. "And we can only find her if she takes the hotel route, or uses credit cards, or something like that. There's a whole network we can't touch. At least not easily."

"Well maybe Spike'll be good for something after all," said Xander.

There was a distinctly teenage snort and both men looked up to see Dawn standing there, term paper in hand. "Buffy seems to think so," she said, walking around to the passenger side of the car and climbing in.

Xander started to ask what she meant by that but Dawn cut him off. "Can we go?" she asked Riley. "We're going to be late. We need to pick up Janice."

"Wouldn't want to make her late," Riley said as he got in the car and turned on the ignition. He looked at Xander. "Thanks," he said before closing the door.

"Don't mention it," Xander said as Riley drove away, turning back to the house and the beating that was most likely waiting for him, hopefully without the frying pan this time. He had seen Buffy standing there too.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"Where to?" Riley asked Dawn.

"If you want to stop at your place first, that's cool. I'm in no hurry."

"I thought we were going to be late."

Dawn shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Janice doesn't care. And I've missed so much school, what's another half hour?"

"Sorry, kid," he said, shaking his head and meeting her glare with one of his own. "Where to?"

"Fine," she said, folding her arms again.

"You do that a lot, don't you?"

She unfolded her arms. "What – you practically dust Spike, so now you come after me?"

Riley laughed. "O.k. Starting over. Good morning, Dawn."

"Good morning, Riley. Turn left."

"You mean at the street we just passed?" he asked, braking and backing up. "You really are Buffy's sister, aren't you?"

"Well, no. Duh," she said, looking out the window and rolling her eyes. "Left."

He yanked on the wheel. "No, this isn't the right street? Or no, you're not her sister?" he said, not really paying attention. Concentrating instead on possible upcoming streets that he might have to suddenly turn down.

"She didn't tell you? Left – no, at the next one."

"Didn't tell me what?" he asked, frowning as he turned into someone's driveway so he could turn around. "And I'm never driving you to school again by the way."

"You know, energy. The Key. Glory. End of the world."

"No. I don't know. Wait – Glory? From last year?"

"Yeah. Why Buffy died," she said, pointing at a street as they drove past it. "That was the left. I already told you about that one so it's not my fault. This is why Xander lets me drive. I have my permit, you know."

He pulled over to the side of the road, slamming on the brakes as he glared at her. "You could have just asked," he muttered as she squealed and clapped her hands.

Once they had switched seats and were back on the road again, Riley asked, "Why she died?"

"Uh-huh. To save the world. You know, the way she does. Don't you think that's annoying?"

"Umm, no. I'm more than happy to have the world saved. Could you slow down maybe just a little?" he said, grabbing on to the door handle.

"No, I mean the way she keeps everything inside. Like that she didn't tell you I wasn't her sister."

"Dawn, I've barely seen her. And other things have been going on."

"That one she knew before you left. That was a pretty big thing, don't you think?"

He sat back against the seat. So that was it. That was the thing she was holding in. "Yeah, pretty big," he said, not even noticing the stop sign they had just run.

Dawn continued rambling. "And the thing about Spike."

"Spike?" Riley asked weakly, his stomach starting to feel like he had just had about ten too many beers. "Are you sure Xander lets you drive?"

"Yeah, but only to Janice's. We're almost there."

"Thank God."

"You know she's sleeping with him, right? That's why you almost killed him?"

"Sleeping with Xander?" he asked, trying to put off this conversation as long as humanly possible.

"No," she said, glaring at him. "Spike."

"And you know this because…?"

"She practically said so. Yesterday – when she was all crazy. Did Spike tell you last night? Is that how you know?"

"No, actually. Is there a reason we're talking about this?" Dawn pulled the car to a stop in front of a house on a street that looked incredibly familiar. "Hey – isn't this right around the corner from your house?"

Dawn shrugged. "You didn't ask what the fastest way was. And I gave you a choice – you could have gone home first. Plus you called me 'kid.'"

"Dawn," Riley said, seething. "Point?"

Dawn put her hands on the steering wheel and looked out the window. "He got hurt because of me. He could have told Glory who I was, but he didn't. And he was there when Buffy died. He was there for us all summer."

Riley was sitting back against the car door, watching her, trying to keep his voice even as he said, "Dawn – it's been a really long night and I'm really tired. And you may not care about being late, but I do. So can you just come out and say whatever it is that you're trying to say?"

"I just…" She turned to look at him, forcing herself to meet his gaze. "She hasn't been happy in a really long time, not since you left. I didn't want you to leave again. I thought if you knew why…"

First Xander and now Dawn. Riley closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the window. Could they really be right?

"Are you o.k.?" she asked quietly.

He nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

They both turned at the knock on the window. Dawn waved at Janice and turned back to Riley. "Can we sit in the back and play with the buttons?"

"No," he said as he got out of the car and walked around the front slowly. What a day. And it was only 8:15.

He drove to the school in a fog brought about by barely any sleep and too much thinking. "Bye," he said in response to Janice. He turned to Dawn as she got out of the car.

"Are you really o.k.?"

"Yeah," he said. "And Dawn? Thanks."

She smiled. "Can I drive the whole way next time?"

"Hell, no." He watched as she walked into the school building, laughing with Janice. Energy? No kidding. He should really find that much more disturbing than he actually did, he thought, but right now all he could think about was Buffy. And that maybe he really did stand a chance this time around. Maybe.

Shouldn't this get easier? Less scary?

Scary.

The word hit him like a ton of bricks. That's what she had meant. What he had said to her that day in the caves.

Well, hot damn. Blind as a bat.

He let out a laugh as he drove away, music blaring, wind blowing and heart soaring.

Hot damn.

THE END