Title: The Reef (Keeping The Faith – Prequel)
Authors: Mistress Ace & SharonM
E-mail: rosewood@inreach.com (Ace) & rileyslass@aol.com
Feedback: Appreciated, loved, and read time and time again... Seriously though, without your feedback, we don't know if we've reached you. And that's the point, isn't it?
Disclaimer: Don't own the characters at all. They belong to Joss Whedon et al. If we owned them, Riley wouldn't have gone to Belize.
Rating: This part – R (language) later on... sky's the limit
Pairing: Riley/Sam, Riley/Faith (at some point)
Spoilers: Up to "As You Were" Except Riley and Sam never made it to Sunnydale
Warning: Character Death
Summary: Some things happen in life when you least expect them and they aren't always good.
Distribution: FINNatics. Anyone else, just ask
Ace's dedication: To Sharon, we've laughed and we've cried. Oh Lord how we've cried. Writing is a catharsis, it helps you to deal with the pain.
Sharon's dedication: To my mother Anne, who passed away January 17, 2002. I miss you Mom, you were my saving grace...

 
*****

The Reef

"Sam, I'm sorry. The brass called and they want me in on this." Hands in his back pockets, Riley watched his wife. He wasn't afraid that she'd be mad about his not going to the reef. That wasn't the concern at all. It was much more likely she'd be mad because she hadn't been tapped for the mission too.

"Did you tell them that we work as a team, Ry?" Standing up to him, standing toe-to-toe, Sam Finn looked her husband in the eyes. Reached up to touch the spot on his face where the scar had been. Side effect of their little trip to Nepal. They'd met up with some monks and in recompense for the saving of their temple, they'd healed Riley's face.

The youngest one had simply reached out and ran his fingertips down the length of the scar and it was gone. The souvenir of the firefight they'd met in. It was like they'd erased part of their history, without asking permission first.

"He told them Sam, sometimes the brass doesn't listen all that well." Graham Miller sighed, leaning against the doorframe and watching them, "Guess you have to settle for snorkeling with me, if you still want to go. I know... I know. I don't look half as cute in a wetsuit as Ry, but I'm better than nothing!"

Graham snickered and ducked the dishtowel Sam threw at him and added, "You won't be gone all that long anyway will you, Ry? Back this evening, right?"

"Quick drop, take out the hostiles, be back in time to enjoy whatever you two catch. Promise." As Riley watched, Sam relaxed. She touched his cheek, pulled him down until their foreheads touched.

"Be strong. Be safe." Hand on the back of his neck, palm curving around to cover up the scars there. Same words they always said to each other. Whether they were on the same drop or not.

"Always." His smile lit up the room for a second and Graham caught the clue. He turned his back so his friends could share a private moment.

"I, uhm... I'm gonna get my gear." Graham called over his shoulder with a grin, "Be back in a few."

Having made his excuse, he left the room. Gave them the privacy they needed to say their good byes. Not wanting to be the usual third wheel that he was. He went next door and got his diving things. Took his time and while he watched the clock. He met Riley on the front walk as his CO made his way out toward the street.

"Hey, watch your back, okay Ry?" The smile between them spoke of years of doing just that. Watching each other's backs. "I'll take care of things on the home front."

"You do that." Quick clap of a hand on his shoulder before Riley continued on his way. For a big man, he moved with ease, never a false step.

Sam sidled up behind Graham, smiling as she watched him watch Riley. "You know, if I didn't know better..." The tease was there in her voice and in her eyes. Part of the running gag, the constant joke between the two of them that had been started by another team member. That Graham was so devoted to Riley that he should have married him.

"Yeah, yeah... I know." Graham grinned back at her, "So, don't ask and I won't tell." He laughed out loud when she fake punched him in the stomach. He followed her back inside and flopped down on the couch, "Ready when you are, ma'am. My orders are to take care of you and take out anyone that even looks your way twice... Wonder what the prison terms are like here?" Graham yelped as she tossed a swim fin at him.

"Like I couldn't take them out on my own?" Slinging the last few items into the swim bag, Sam adjusted the neck of her wet suit. "C'mon, Agent Miller, let's go find ourselves some dinner."

He locked the door behind them and trailed along behind Sam. Who stopped every few minutes to check his position, making sure she knew where he was at all times. It bothered her that Finn had taken off without her but there was no arguing with the brass.

"I'm right behind you. You don't have to track me." Graham chuckled moving along side her. "No hostiles here... Not in broad open daylight." He stretched and rolled his neck, "So, what are you hungry for this morning? I'm thinking anything fried. Don't think I've gotten enough grease in my diet this week!"

"You can have the fried. I'll settle for fruit." Head down, Sam bit back the rest of what she was going to say. She'd talked it over with Riley and they were going to wait until they were sure. She was sure, it was her body after all. Riley, not so much, always worried about the side effects of Walsh's tinkering. He'd convinced himself he was sterile.

"Fruit? You can't snorkel on just fruit!" Graham grumbled, "We'll see what you think once you see food... Seafood. Hmmm, there's a thought. Think they serve it for breakfast here?" Graham gave her a curious look as something like worry flickered across Sam's face. "You okay, Sam?"

Rather than give into the concerned buddy routine, Sam grinned at him and dodged the bullet. "I'm good. Never been better. Race you to the truck." She was off like a shot, dashing down the path with the swim bag bouncing on her shoulder.

"Hey!" Graham yelled, taking off after her. "You coulda at least counted to three!" They were both laughing when they reached the government issue black SUV. "I think I'm slowing down, you beat me by a good four seconds... Sad, very sad." Graham chuckled, opening the door and sliding behind the wheel. "And they say married life makes you soft."

"Can't tell that by Ry and me." Sam grinned, tossing the gear in the back before taking shotgun position. "He just gets tougher and tougher. I was tough to begin with."

"That you were." Graham nodded, "But yeah, Ry needed the toughening... You've done wonders." She had done just that, pulled his buddy back from the brink of madness. That condition brought about compliments of one hazel-eyed blond hard-body back in good Old Sunnyhell. He spared Sam a quick grin and then turned his attention to the road as he pulled away from the curb. "The others meeting us there?"

"Mmm-hmm. Mason's getting the boat and the rest of the gear." Seat belt buckled, she leaned back into the seat. Crossed her hands over her stomach where she swore there were little flutters starting. It had happened on the way to the site in Nepal, in their little tent where they'd pitched camp that first night. Riley had been... driven by something. Not that she was complaining, not at all.

They found a quaint place and grabbed a bite of breakfast with Graham harping on Sam for not eating more. When she said she wasn't hungry, he'd rolled his eyes and told her okay. Then warned her that when she cramped up and he had to drag her rear out, he didn't want to hear a word!

Graham and Sam were still teasing one another when they rolled up to the dock. Graham looked at the boat they would be using and grimaced, "That doesn't look too seaworthy. Never shoulda let Mace pick the boat."

"Looks fine to me. Where's your sense of adventure, marine?" Sam piled out of the vehicle, grinning from ear-to-ear as the rest of the crew greeted them. A few of the regulars were gone, probably with Riley on the mission or sleeping off last night's excesses. Sam strode along the dock, slung the bag into the boat and joined Mason there. "See, perfectly sound."

"Okay, Missus Finn." Graham smirked, "I'll take your word for it." He clapped Mason on the back and said, "Was the 'S. S. Minnow' taken?" Then as the others responded with a chorus of laughter, he tossed his gear in the back as well. "Mace? Are you our navigator too? Or do I need to do the honors?"

There was a round of "Oh hell no!" and "Gray, you can't navigate a roller skate!" before McIntyre spoke up and said he'd be happy to navigate their little vessel.

They all settled down as McIntyre maneuvered them out from the dock. He was one of the best drivers in the group and apparently that skill carried over to water as well. Sam leaned back, watching the land recede and tried not to worry about her husband.

Riley was good, better than he'd been when they first met. He'd been clean and sober for over a year, thanks to Graham's help and then her constant vigilance. They were contemplating a visit to Sunnydale so he could exorcise the rest of his demons. It was slated after this trip with full approval from the higher-ups.

Perfect day. Not a cloud in the sky. There was a soft sea breeze as the boat slowed and drifted near their destination, the Great Barrier Reef that separated Australia from the ocean beyond. "Reminds me of the Caribbean, except with more sharks." Graham sighed, watching a tell-tale fin sweep by on their starboard side. "Good thing they don't take to well to the underwater tazers. Or we might be dinner instead of finding it."

"Those are baskings. Plankton-eaters. Not a threat." Sam pulled her fins on; eyes fixed on the shark. "No worries unless we spot a Great White." Next to her, Mason, Kearns and McIntyre all pulled on their own gear. She grabbed a spear gun, grinned at Graham from across the boat and bailed over the side into the water.

"Dammit." Graham muttered as he struggled with his left fin and then took the plunge himself. She knew she was supposed to wait, but that never stopped Sam. He'd been pleased at how good of a match she'd been for Riley. Just what his best friend had needed after Sunnydale, and watching them work together was amazing. Not a finer pair in the corps.

He shook a fist at her and watched her wrinkle her nose at him through her mask, before heading off with him trailing behind.

The group swam for almost an hour, darting in and around the reef. Sam kept her promise to Riley, spearing several brightly colored fish they knew would be tasty. Of the two of them, Riley was the better cook and she didn't mind taking over the hunter/gatherer role. He was better at tactics; she was better at field medicine. They filled in each other's gaps, forming a seamless team that was the heart and soul of their unit.

All too soon, Graham signaled it was time to head back. Their boat rental was almost up and there was a lot to do if they were having fresh fish for supper. Gray stayed in the water and watched the others clamber back into the boat before following them. Once on board he admired their haul as they tossed the fish into the waiting coolers. "Not bad! Not bad at all!" He nodded, "I think Sam gets cleaning duty. What about you guys?" He asked.

From her perch in the stern of the boat, Sam just laughed at that suggestion. "Not on your life, Miller. I catch. You clean."

She'd caught the most, two to each of what the others had managed and the guys grumbled good-naturedly. There was no arguing with Sam and they knew it. Besides, their squad leader would have their heads if they disobeyed his wife.

"Deliver me from bossy women with authority." Graham winked at Sam and settled down for the return trip. It had been a good day, a calm one. Something his group saw all too briefly in their line of work, he was glad Ry had insisted they go on without him. It was what they had all needed.

Once on shore, the group divvied up the chores. McIntyre built the firepit while Kearns gathered up driftwood. Mason sat down next to Graham and they cleaned the fish as Sam took care of the boat and the equipment. She was hauling in the last of the gear when Graham heard her quick intake of breath and a soft curse.

When he looked up, Sam was falling. Hitting the water with a splash as she clutched at her right ankle.

Pain, burning pain that seared through her nerves. She knew what it was; she was an expert in a group of experts. Her heart was already starting to flutter before the water closed over her head. **Ry. God. I'm sorry.** Not the way she would ever has chosen to go. Taken out because she'd forgotten to put her fins back on.

Graham was up, hitting the water in a matter of seconds. Grabbed her shoulder first, then hauled her limp body into his arms, "Sam?! What... What is it?" One look at her foot, at the red radiating out from an obvious sting and he knew. Felt the breath rush out of his lungs, felt the crushing weight of a phantom hand around his heart.

"Mace! Medkit now! Double time it, soldier!" Graham barked, the color draining from his face. Pulled her out of the water and settled down in the sand. Riley was gonna kill him. Jesus, he was going to shoot him where he stood for this. For letting this happen to his wife. "Sam, it's gonna be okay. Got that?" Had to reassure her, had to give and himself some hope. Hope that he was wrong.

"N-no, it's not. But th-hanks anyway." The heat was being replaced with cold and tingles now. Her hands felt like they were carved out of marble or ice but she managed to get them over her stomach. Felt the tiny flickers of life there, felt them start to die out. Tears mixed with salt-water as she convulsed, the pain taking her breath away. "Tell R-il-ey. Tell him I love him. Tell him it was... a boy."

"You can tell him yourself!" Screamed it at her, shaking with rage as the words hit home. Graham's hands shook over hers, tearing at her wet-suit, trying to get to skin and to deny what she was saying. **Jesus, Mary Mother of God, no! Let that be a lie. Please, if you ever loved me, God, let that please be a lie. Not Sam and Ry's kid, not at the same time.**

She was slipping away, coughing weakly, her face a rictus of pain. Help, he had to help her. Mason jogged toward him with the med kit and the rest of the team scrambled to help. Graham shook his head, "Mason! Dammit now!! I... I need adrenaline... four... four cc's! Oh Christ! Sam! No...Don't do this!"

Couldn't see Mason through the tears streaming down his face. "Come on Sam... No! NO! Dammit! Mason? Where the fuck are you?!" She was dying, dying in his arms and there wasn't a damn thing he could do to stop it. Stonefish, 10 minutes tops and five were already gone.

Cradled her in his lap, stroked her face, tried to wipe away the agony that seared through her. Rocked Sam back and forth as while Graham pled with their commander's wife. "Look at me, Sam. Don't you close your eyes!.... Sam! SAM!!" He blinked back tears and swallowed hard.

Mason pounded across the surf, falling to his knees beside them, the med kit in his shaking hands. More hands helped, ripped open the kit, looking for the right anti-venin but it was hopeless. Kearns grabbed the adrenaline kit from Mace. He was the other team medic, knew his stuff. Loaded up the needle with mercifully steady hands. If they could get it into her heart, she might have a chance.

"Se-send him back to S-sunnydale. Let him f-find h-her." Her breath was getting short and it hurt to speak. Eyes so heavy, body slowing down even as someone punched an adrenaline needle into her chest. Brief rush of heat and then cold. So cold. Dying, she was dying. The only regret she had was dying in someone else's arms instead of her husband's. "H-he s-still loves her. S-end him to Buffy... Take him there, Gray. Promise me..."

"Sam! Oh God Sam!" Graham cried, shaking her, "No, not on MY WATCH! I won't lose you...Do you hear me?! NOT. ON. MY. WATCH!" More tears streamed down Gray's face as he felt her breathing slow. Prayed for her, prayed to her, prayed that she would hear him and stop this. He loved her, loved her because she loved Riley and loved her for herself too. And he was losing her. "Sam, please... don't."

She looked up at him and it was all there in her eyes, the love and the loss. And the steel that made her a perfect fit for his best friend. Samantha Finn was made from the toughest stuff on Earth and there was no denying what she wanted him to do. No denying a fallen comrade's last wish. Graham nodded, "I promise Sam... I promise... Don't leave us! God, don't take her!"

Mason started to shake his head. Almost gone, the Cap's laughing and lovely wife was almost gone and there wasn't a damn thing they could do to stop it. Behind him, he heard McIntrye on the talkie, calling for a chopper. But they all knew it was too late.

Graham grabbed Mason by the collar and shook him. Shook him hard as denial rushed in, "Don't you fucking shake your head at me! I won't lose her! He trusted me! Sam! You gotta hang on!"

It was getting dark and cold. The sunlight faded as well as his voice. Nothing more than a buzzing in her ears as the pain faded too. The cold went with it and she was floating. Sam stared up at the sun and blinked. Once. Twice. On the third blink, her eyes glazed over and stayed open. Under Graham's hand, her heart slowed and then stopped.

Next to him, Mason sniffled, tears trickled down his face, tracking through the sand that clung to his cheek. McIntyre stumbled to his feet, hand over his mouth and skin pale. A moment later, they all heard him retching. A breeze, the same warm breeze blew across the beach, sending sand into the air and in the distance, Graham could hear approaching footsteps.

Familiar footsteps and a voice singing softly, some nameless tune he'd picked up in their travels.

Fuck.

Riley.

Riley was just over that hill and they'd let his wife die without even trying to save her. Graham looked down at Sam and then back at Mason, eyes wide and horrified, "No... No... This isn't happening... CPR... She needs CPR..." He laid her down gently and took a deep breath. Began the procedure just like a thousand times before. One, two, three, four. Breathe, one, two, three, four...

He could save her. Dammit, he had to save her.

He could hear Mason telling him it was no use but he kept on, kept on because he couldn't look up... He wouldn't fail... He couldn't! Never failed Riley before and he wasn't going to fail him now.

Over the crest of the hill, Riley spotted his team. They were gathered around something on the beach and Graham was shouting something. Someone, McIntyre, it looked like, was on his hands and knees, puking his guts up. Not what he'd expected to see...

After two strides, he was jogging. After five, he was at a dead run. They were hovering over a body and what Graham was counting out was CPR. One of his team was down and from the looks of it, probably already gone.

Riley scanned the group and his heart froze in his chest. Everyone accounted for except one.

His wife.

"No. NO! NO!" His voice tore its way out of his chest. This couldn't be happening. It couldn't. Not to his Sam. His brave, sweet, strong... Not again, he couldn't lose her. Couldn't lose another woman he loved.

Graham kept on going. He could hear voices... One of them was screaming and some part of his mind knew it was Riley. But he kept going. Any second now she'd gasp and start to breathe on her own. One, two, three, four, breathe... Any second now. One, two, three, four... Any second now.

**She was pregnant... Sh-She is pregnant!** Graham's mind was screaming now too and his lungs burned; yet he kept on. Breathing for her, his hands compressing her chest and doing the work for her heart. "Come on Sam.." He gasped between counts, "Dammit please!"

Mason rolled out of the way when his commander appeared, pushing at his shoulder. Riley took over compressions while Graham continued to breathe for Sam. Calm, implacable as he worked on his wife and barked at his team. "Did anyone call for a chopper? ANSWER ME!"

"We did," Kearns spoke up from where he was loading another needle with adrenaline. When Riley lifted his hands out of the way, he punched the needle into her chest again, straight through the wet suit. Depressed the plunger and all of them watched and waited for her to jerk back to life.

Not such luck. Hands back on her chest, Riley continued to pump. "C'mon, Sam. Don't leave me. Honey, please... don't leave me." Pleading with her, making silent deals with God, promising everything and anything if she. Would. Just. Breathe. How did this happen? Why?... God, why?

"St-Stone fish... Ry..." Graham gasped between breaths, light-headed now himself. Black spots swimming in front of his eyes before diving back down to force more air into her lungs.

"Cap... There's no pulse... Sir, she's gone." Kearns told Riley, his face ashen. Had to tell him the truth. "She's gone, Ry."

"No! No! She's not!" Graham snarled at the other soldier, fury laced with resolve. Stone-cold grey eyes glared at their medic, death lurked in their depths if Kearns dared say those words again. "You call the chopper... Call em!"

"Gray, you did all you could..." Mason started but was silenced with another glare, before Graham went back to breathing for Sam. Hope gone now too... But he had to do something, anything rather than face Riley. The one thing in the entire world Riley had loved most and he let her die.

In the distance, Riley could hear the whir of chopper blades but he knew they were too late. The next time Graham came up for a breath, he took his place. Shouldered him aside and laid his mouth over the one he kissed every night. Kissed and teased and laughed into, the mouth he loved.

Rather than breathe for her, he kissed Sam. Felt the warmth dissipate from her lips now that Graham was no longer pushing breath into her lungs. Felt it leave and knew she was dead. Had been dead before he'd every touched her.

He could taste the bitterness in his own mouth, the tears that wouldn't come. Her hands were on her stomach, protecting it and while his team watched, Riley covered her hands with his. Someone's tears pattered onto her suit, mingling with the remaining seawater.

Sam was gone.

He knew it.

His team knew it.

How quickly the world could change.

Graham sat back on his heels shaking, this wasn't happening... It was surreal... The chopper landed and the medics came with the stretcher. He helped Riley lift Sam onto it and watched numbly as the straps were fastened. When they started to load her into the belly of the chopper, something broke inside him and he staggered away, ending up beside the boat.

With an enraged roar at his ineptitude, Graham lashed out with his fist, punching the side of the bobbing vessel. He'd failed. He'd failed and Sam was dead. Laughing, beautiful, vibrant Sam.

There were arms holding him a minute later, wrapped tightly around him. Not Riley's. He was in the chopper, accompanying his wife's body to the hospital. Riley would never touch him again. He'd failed.

Instead, Graham found himself being held by Mason and Kearns. They kept a hold of him as he raged to high heaven, cursed them and their lineage back twenty generations. Dragged him out of the surf, out of possible danger from the thing that had killed their comrade.

Had killed their friend.

"I gotta go... Wh-Where's Ry?" Graham mumbled, looking at Mason blankly. "I gotta go... He's alone... I gotta go." He pushed away from them and waved off their protests about his split and bleeding knuckles. The pain helped him focus and that was all that mattered, he had to have the pain to get through this.

He staggered toward their vehicle and when he opened the door his eyes drifted to the back seat and his loaded weapon. Wouldn't take much, chamber the round, open his mouth and slide the gun in between his teeth. Reached for it and felt a hand on his shoulder. Without a word, Mason was beside him. Pushed him into the passenger seat while Kearns stowed the gear, tucked the weapon into his own belt, out of Graham's reach.

Then they were driving and the countryside was rolling by his window. This was all some horrible nightmare and he'd wake up. This was like those nightmares after Forrest... and Adam...

*****

The world was nothing but air and sound and the cold reality of the body next to him. Riley brushed back the tendrils that framed her beautiful face. It hadn't hit him yet, probably wouldn't hit him for awhile. Not until he said it out loud.

Sam was dead. It didn't sound right, not inside his head. "Sam's dead," he whispered, repeating it over an over. Each time he said it, his voice got louder until the sound of the chopper was drowned out by his words. The pilot turned in his seat to look at him and the medic grabbed Riley's arm. A second later, he felt the sting of a needle. Somewhere, he could hear somebody screaming.

But they sounded so very far away.

The trip didn't take long and it took forever. Whatever he'd been shot up with was doing a bang-up job. Riley wasn't feeling any pain when they landed. He wasn't feeling much of anything until the med team came running out onto the landing strip and they reached for Sam. He grabbed hold of the stretcher. "No. You can't have her."

"Sir, you have to let go... We have to take her inside now. Come on, sir... Let us do our job." One of the young doctors said, his expression soft with sympathy for the devastated man before him. The situation had be radioed ahead. Captain Riley S. Finn, USMC was coming in, accompanied by the body of his wife, Lt. Samantha L. Finn, US Army. Worst case scenario. "We'll, take good care of her, sir... You have my word."

"She's pregnant... She's my wife." Broken voice, who's broken voice was that? Riley didn't recognize it. Whose hands were clenched around the poles, being pried gently off by the pilot of the chopper? "Sam... her name is Sam. Lt. Samantha Finn."

The medic nodded, making notes on his clipboard. He was interrupted by the arrival of a black SUV and the rapid approach of it's occupants. One of which appeared hell-bent on taking the head off the men trying to remove the stretcher from the chopper. Another marine, almost as big at Captain Finn, mad eyes staring at all of them.

More medics arrived and between them and the other two from the vehicle, the big man was brought down. He was struggling, managed another powerful punch before another needle was produced and plunged into his neck. Yet still he struggled, until his eyes rolled back... not giving up to the end. His body slumped to the tarmac, lying limp and broken between them.

Graham, Graham was on the ground. That shook Riley loose and he let go of the stretcher. Calling out to the last friend he had in the world now that Sam was gone. "Gray. Gray, get up. No. Not you too. Gray, get up! THAT'S AN ORDER, SOLDIER!"

He was out of the chopper, kneeling next to Graham and batting at the hands holding him down. "Please Gray. Don't go. Don't go. Don't go." His men melted away, letting Riley shake Graham while another team of coats came running. Grief was a funny thing, it affected people in different ways and they all knew just how damned dangerous Riley could be. Watched him snap necks on some of the biggest and nastiest things that ever crawled out of hell. Didn't want that to happen to them.

Graham's eyes fluttered and he tried to focus on the face hovering before him, "Ry...Riley? Gotta take you back... Promised... S-sunnydale... Home." His words were slurred, barely recognizable as speech. He struggled to get up but being pressed down anyway. Not by anyone's hands but by the weight of his guilt. "I-I failed... I failed you Ry..."

"It's okay, Gray. It's okay." The drug, whatever they'd shot him up with, was more powerful than the tranks they used on some of their demonic quarry. Riley knew that from experience, having been caught in the line of fire more than once. His mouth felt clumsy, like it didn't know how to form words anymore. "We'll go. You and me and Sam. We'll go."

Riley was drawn away from Graham and he let it happen. Watched while they loaded his buddy onto a stretcher and carried him toward a waiting ambulance. There were hands helping him up, leading him toward another ambulance, it's maw gaping at him... waiting to eat him alive.

Graham started to fight again; they were separating him from his Captain. Drugged. He'd been drugged. Terror took over and he fought the restraints, the veins standing out in stark relief in his neck. The strap moaned then snapped, one hand free... Bad things happened in hospitals, bad things happened when they drugged you. He had to get Riley and... and Sam away from here. "No! No! No!" he could hear someone yelling...

From a few feet away, Riley heard Graham's choked cries and he shambled towards him. He needed to calm him down, needed to keep things under control. "Stand down, soldier," Riley stated, his words slightly slurred as he laid a hand on Graham's shoulder. "Stand down."

Graham stopped fighting the restraints, but his body shook all over. "Y-yes, sir..." he managed. Somewhere the training still remained, somewhere buried under the grief and pain. Graham gave another shuddering sob and then went limp, thankfully blacking out. Mason murmured to Kearns to go with Riley and he climbed in with Graham. He understood full well what was terrorizing their XO, he'd lived it too.

There was a hand at his elbow, leading him discretely to the ambulance. Riley went along, not looking for support, managing to keep his feet under him by some unknown miracle. Once he was seated inside, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "Baby. We were going to have a baby... She told me last week and I didn't believe her."

At a loss for words, Sanford Kearns patted his commander's knee awkwardly. He watched in silence as the man he admired most in the world fell apart. There was a bitter, metallic tang in the back of his mouth. It had been there since Sam stumbled, since she fell... since he'd punched a second cardiac needle into her chest and nothing happened. Not even a twinge.

"Sam... oh Sam." No longer to see her face, hear her voice. Riley couldn't imagine anything worse. It was always a risk, whenever they went into battle but to have lost her this way. When she was on a play day... on their delayed honeymoon.

Riley couldn't think of anything worse.

*****

Graham wove in and out of consciousness, hearing voices and sirens and a steady beeping... Mason's face loomed into view and he blinked in surprise, "Mace?... I let her die... Sh-she was pregnant, Mace... A baby 'n I let her die..."

"No you didn't, Gray. You did everything you could. There was no time... It wasn't your fault." Disembodied voice, the drugs changing it from Mace's to Riley's. Accusing him of dereliction of duty. Of letting her die.

**YOUR FAULT!** It echoed in Graham's ears and welled up behind his eyes. Stinging hard, sight blurring as he stared up at the metal ceiling. Vaguely aware that the vehicle was moving as the tears over flowed. He cried until he was sobbing and couldn't breathe. Couldn't claw at his throat to make room for air. Finally, the sobs turned to hiccups, and mercifully, the hiccups gave way to silence.

**You failed me, Graham... How could you?** Somewhere Graham was sure he heard Riley, but he was too tired to look... Too tire to do anything but sleep. Sleep and dream about better times. Listen to Sam's laughter and Riley's jokes and hold their kid.

*****

Black coffin, brass fittings. Hard and cold and far too real. The only real thing about this trip. Hadn't been stateside in months, over a year actually. The U.S. had its own team. His worked the rest of the world. The thought of going home, of taking Sam home to meet his family had been at the back of his mind. Had actually been on one of their agendas at some point.

Well, now she was gonna meet the family. In a box. Not the way he wanted it, not the way he ever would have planned it. But there it was.

A box...

*****

Graham sat staring at his hands, he hadn't spoken in the four hours since their last stop. Really didn't know what to say... How do you tell your best friend you let him down and his wife died because you weren't careful enough?

Going to Iowa had always been a welcome relief from whatever hell they had been enduring. They'd go to Huxley and be fussed over by Ry's mom and sisters, eat too much and blow off steam at some bar in a neighboring town. Then come back to the farm and tiptoe up the stairs like teenagers out after curfew.

This time though, this time it was all different and harsh and too vivid for words. They were going back... Back to bury Sam. How did the world get so out of synch?

Graham was beside him, silent sentinel and companion as always. If he wanted to talk, then they'd talk. If not, that was all right too.

Riley wasn't up to talking right now. The only person he needed to talk to couldn't talk back anymore. So, why waste the words or the breath to say them?

Graham sighed and rolled his neck, last time his stomach had had that big of a knot in it was when he'd flown back to meet Mr. and Mrs. Gates with Forrest's stuff. He and Ry had gone, sitting in the belly of another transport staring at another coffin... Only that time it was empty. Well, mostly.

He shifted in his seat and stretched his protesting calf muscles, one foot bumping the coffin support with a jarring thud. Graham jumped and straightened up, glancing at Riley then dropping his head again. He wondered what was going on in Ry's head, his face was unreadable. But then, that was part of the job wasn't it? Tough as nails... yeah right.

******

"Why don't you get up and walk that cramp out, Gray?" His voice, long unused, sounded dusty and dry to Riley. He coughed to clear his throat and rubbed his hand over his mouth. The last person he'd kissed had been Sam, one last kiss and she was already gone.

Bile rose in his throat and he swallowed it down. It was too close, too tight. He couldn't breathe. God. He couldn't breathe. Sam couldn't breathe... How could she breathe in that box?

He had to get her out of there. Had to get her out of that box... Had to save her.

*****

"Yeah...Could do that" Graham nodded unbuckling his harness and standing up stiffly. "Old war wound..." He chuckled with a brief grin at Riley then started pace the length of the bay. He'd hurt that leg what seemed a lifetime ago at Duke, spent six months in rehab and sat out the rest of his junior year. "Just reminding me I'm not a kid anymore..." He sighed, wincing slightly at his poor choice of words... kid...

Losing it. He was losing it and Gray had no idea.

Riley unbuttoned the collar of his dress blues, letting in a little air as he looked away from the coffin. They should have taken a commercial flight, rather than being in the belly of a C-4. Sitting next to a coffin that held the woman he loved.

Not the love of his life, he'd lost her over a year ago. But the woman who'd pieced him back together after his fall from grace. Buffy was a woman he loved with a fierce passion, one that had almost consumed him. Sam, his love for Sam had been quieter, had grown on him.

Until the day he realized he couldn't live without her.

Now he was going to have to...

*****

Graham had reached the furthest point of the bay and was making his way back, lost in his own thoughts. His mind full of a year's worth of images both good and bad. Begging Ry to re-up had been a last ditch effort to save his old friend, them running into Sam had just been a bonus. It had taken her awhile, but she'd won over the shell-shocked commando and everyone had thought they'd be fine, happily ever after sort of fine... Until now.

When Graham found his way back to their seats, Riley was out of his, kneeling by the coffin. His hands on the lid, tracing the name scrawled on the brass plate.

His friend was silent, although his lips were moving. As Graham drew closer, he realized that Riley was praying. "Yea, though I walk though the valley of the shadow of death..."

Graham bowed his head and let Riley have his space. There was nothing he could say to easy his pain, but he'd stand by him through hell or high water. Unlike most people, they'd actually been to the very mouth of Hades together... Graham was silently reciting a prayer of his own when Riley moved and caught his attention.

When Riley looked up, the strain of the past few days showed on his face. The careful mask he'd worn since their debriefing and the notification of the next of kin slipped for a moment and Graham was treated to a glimpse of what really was going on. Hollow-eyed, gaunt, the usual healthy bronze of his skin pale. Almost vampire pale. Riley Finn had aged ten years in the course of 48 hours.

"Come on Ry, you need to sit down." Graham reached down and drew his commander and friend to his feet. Horrified at the change in the normally stoic Riley Finn.

Gray was thankful that Riley didn't protest too much and did as he was told. "Lemme get you some water." He hurried to find an onboard cooler, leaving Riley sitting staring at the coffin again.

Riley accepted the proffered cup when Graham returned and drank it down. He lapsed back into the long silence which was finally broken by the sound of the engines winding down and the thunk of the landing gear falling into place.

They were moments away from landing, moments away from being returned to the bosom of his family. And less than a day away from placing Sam in the ground.

Graham fastened his harness again and murmured to Riley to do the same. It would all be over soon, far too soon. Then he'd be boarding another plane for another mission that could lead to another trip like this one.

**Part of the job, Gray... Suck it up Miller.** The voice was soft and seemed to come from somewhere nearby, Graham whirled his head looking for the source. He'd briefly believed Sam was standing there speaking to him, "Sounded so real..." He shook off the sensation and focused his eyes straight ahead.

The plane touched down, jolting them forward. Shifting in its restraints, the coffin slid a few inches as well. Riley reached out to grab it but his seatbelt had him locked in place.

Growling at the belt, he tore it open. But by the time he was free, the plane was taxiing to a halt and the box had stopped moving. There was a hand on his arm, restraining him and Riley rounded on its owner, ready to bark out an order. Only to find himself looking into Graham's eyes.

"Easy, Ry. It's not going anywhere, you're home." Graham never flinched although he had braced for the punch he thought might be thrown. "Let's do this right, okay? Get your gear and let's go." Graham hoped talking to his distraught friend gently would do the trick. "Let's go see your folks...They're waiting." He watched Riley closely to see if what he was saying had sunk in, and he thought it had when Ry finally blinked.

Riley blinked again and nodded, shaking off Graham's hand. He straightened up, rebuttoned his collar and picked his hat and gloves up off the seat. His hands slid smoothly into the gloves and his heart stuttered for a moment.

The last time he'd worn those gloves, he'd been dancing with Sam. At the officer's mess in Queensland. Three days before she died.

Fragmenting, he was fragmenting. Time was shattering around him and all he could drag up were isolated little memories.

Graham watched Riley and then nodded his head, putting on his own hat and gloves.

**Son, always escort your lady home...** Graham fought a shiver as his father's words came back to him. But that was what he was doing, escorting a lady home. Not his lady, but escorting her just the same. He took a deep breath and waited for Riley to take the lead, when he didn't budge. Graham reached out and touched his arm, "Ry, we have to do this...Come on."

"I'm good, Gray. I'm good." His voice broke at first and steadied almost immediately. Cool hazel eyes met Graham's concerned gaze and Riley's detached tone was chilling to hear. "Thank you for coming with me. My folks will be happy to see you."

"Yeah buddy, happy...." Graham frowned at the back of Riley's head as he followed him down the cargo hold. Something was terribly wrong here; something was badly off with Riley. **Maybe seeing his folks will snap him out of it.** Graham thought as the loading ramp began to lower.

**Jesus! He's in shock... Gray, you moron!** Graham mentally slapped himself and vowed to call for help as soon as he reached the Finns' farmhouse. Being with family would help, but he wanted to know what was clinically the best way to help his buddy too.

"There they are." He said spotting all of Riley's family waiting down below.

Stiff-legged, Riley stepped out of the belly of the plane and he stopped at the top of the gangway, looking down at his assembled family. They were all dressed in blacks and grays, with the exception of Karin who for some strange reason was wearing white. That jarring note cause him to frown, wondering what she was up to.

Then it hit him, Karin's last letter said she was studying the Samurai culture of Japan. And in Japan, the color of mourning, the color of death, was white.

Fitting, a warrior's color to greet the body of a fallen warrior.

Graham followed him, half expecting to have to pick up his buddy at any moment. Riley was in shock and a collapse was not out of the question, so without a word Graham moved closer. Staying within arm's length of his heartbroken friend at all times.

"Samurai, huh? Leave it to Karin." Graham chuckled softly, catching the meaning in Karin's dress. Riley usually read him his letters from home. The Finns were almost as much a part of Gray's family as his own folks.

There was a tiny lift of Riley's mouth at that comment but he didn't spare Graham a look. Just made his way down the metal steps and was met in the middle by his mother.

Rachel Finn, tall like her son, looked up into his eyes and saw it all. Saw the devastation and the shock, the sorrow lurking beneath the brittle exterior and for a moment, she considered allowing him to keep his dignity. Until she saw the single tear that rolled down his right cheek. Silver trail picked up by the cold winter sun.

She came up the last two steps, wrapped her arms around Riley and held onto him. Felt his shoulders shake, felt the silent sobs rack his strong frame and felt her son's heart - her brave, handsome son's heart break.

Graham swallowed hard and ducked his head, tears welling behind his own eyes. Seeing Riley Finn break down in tears humbled Graham. He'd only seen his friend in that shape once before. Graham Miller still had issues with the slight blonde girl that had caused it.

The last thing he wanted to consider was that his friend was fragile... that fragile again. But there was the proof in front of him. Graham brushed a gloved hand over his own eyes and moved down another step, his hand coming to rest on Riley's shoulder in silent support.

Over Riley's shoulder, Rachel Finn looked straight into Graham Miller's eyes. The silent thank you was there as well as muted affection for him. Graham was one of her boys, one of Riley's friends that she had adopted years ago.

At the foot of the gangway, Karin Finn sobbed and flung herself into her father's arms. Connor slipped an arm around his wife and Brian turned towards his own, pulling her into a hard embrace. Maureen stood to the side, waiting and aloof until her father freed up an arm and she turned to him for comfort as well. As a military transport roared overhead, the Finns mourned as a family for the loss of one of their own.

Someone tapped Graham on the shoulder and murmured in his ear that they needed to unload the coffin and be on their way.

He nodded in return and taking a deep breath willed himself to speak, "Ry? They want to unload...To unload Sam. You okay with that now?" When Riley nodded mutely, Graham gave the other pilot the okay and watched the dark coffin advance toward them from the belly of the plane, an icy hand reaching in and twisting his heart as he heard one last shuddering sob from Riley.

When he looked at him, Riley was standing tall again, head high and shoulders back. Standing at attention...

Stepping back from her son, Rachel watched Riley's face change. His white gloved hand rose from his side and he saluted the coffin. Sharp movements, brittle movements - held together only by sheer force of will and tradition.

She did as she had done when he left for boot camp, the only thing she could do. She let him stand alone, let him give honor to his wife. Her right hand rose, palm flat over her heart. In turn, her weeping children and her husband faced the coffin, the men saluted and the women covered their own hearts.

A hero's welcome for a fallen hero.

For a brief second Graham felt his knees weaken, then he was back at full strength. Saluted too and then followed Riley the rest of the way down the steps and to the waiting hearse. He'd escorted many bodies over the years, but none of them gave him the dread this one did. How would Riley react when the doors of the hearse shut and he was on the outside?

Riley slowly turned and followed the coffin past his mother and down the gangway. Graham immediately moving to his right elbow, noting Brian did the same on his left. Then with a heavy heart Graham watched the box containing the earthly remains of Lt. Samantha Finn slide inside the dark hearse and be whisked away.

Woodenly, Riley allowed his brother and his comrade-in-arms to lead him to the first car. His mother sat next to him on the ride home, holding his hand while his father drove. It was strange sitting next to his mom. She always sat in the front with dad but today, Maureen was sitting there with him and his mother was holding his hand like he was lost.

The cold white landscape rolled past them, fields fallow and covered with snow. Waiting for the warmth of spring, followed by the caress of the summer sun. The whole world was asleep, waiting for the seasons to change.

Just like Sam was asleep, dressed in her uniform, her lips red and ready for him to kiss her. To kiss her awake.

For him to lift her out of that box...

Graham watched the scenery too, feeling as cold inside as the snowy fields rushing past his window. Winter was such a desolate time, everything dormant and waiting... No leaves or flowers or birds singing. **Why can't there be some sign of life out there?** He thought sadly, **Just something to let us know life must go on...** He glanced at Riley and back out his window, lost in his own thoughts.

A strange mixture of sadness and relief washed over Graham when the rambling old farmhouse came into view. It hadn't changed a bit in the two years or so since he'd been here, yet everything else in his world had. Everything had been turned on its ear by one false step...

The car came to a halt and rather than the usual rush and tumble that marked the Finns progress through life, their exit was muted. Footsteps crunching through the ice-crusted snow, crushing the frosted ground where the snow refused to cling.

Riley walked beside his mother until he reached the front gate, which he opened for her and waited for her to walk through. He held it for his sisters and his sister-in-laws, each of who stopped beside him, searching his face and finding themselves looking into the eyes of a stranger.

Graham watched and felt the hair rise on the back of his neck, Riley was retreating further into his own world. He was a man on auto-pilot, just blindly going through the routine motions and the accepted behaviors. Another chill rippled through Graham, he'd seen that look before... before the bearer splintered into a thousand jagged pieces like the ice beneath their feet.

"Ry? How you doing?" He asked as he came through the gate behind Karin. "You okay?"

"As best as can be expected," was the quiet reply and there was a hint of warmth in his eyes. But that warmth was extinguished when Riley looked down at his white gloved hands. His brothers followed him into the yard, not hovering but staying close like the Finn boys always had been.

Riley placed one hand on the porch rail and ascended the steps, stumbling on the last one. Conner's hand caught his elbow, shoring him up and for a second he leaned into that support. It had been the first break in his composure since crying in his mother's arms and was probably more telling. Riley was always sure-footed, always graceful but today... today he was clumsy.

****

Graham carried their things in and up to the rooms that they always stayed in on visits here. Riley in his old room, Graham down the hall in Brian's. Gray took a moment and walked into the bathroom, removed his gloves and splashed his face with cold water.

The day still held an eerily fairytale quality, Sam wasn't dead... Just away, she had to come back soon. Sighing, Graham squared his shoulders and went back downstairs and into the den where the others were gathered.

Rachel met Graham in the doorway, her faded hazel eyes so like Riley's as she looked at him. Before Graham could move away, he was treated to the same hug Riley had gotten. The same silent comfort.

Graham swallowed heavily and fought hard to keep his composure. Gave it up for lost as her hugged Rachel tightly for a moment with a murmured, "Thank you" before he moved away. Brian and Conner flanked Riley on the couch while Karin hovered as close as possible. Her devotion to her older brother making Graham smile softly. He moved out of the door and leaned against the wall, not intruding but there just the same.

"I can't stand this any more," Karin's voice, high-pitched and young broke the silence. She was ten years old and she worshipped the ground her brother walked on. Crawling into his lap, she wrapped her arms around Riley's neck and held on tight. "Riley! Are you in there? Where's my brother?"

The remainder of the family held their breath and Maureen reached for her sister's arm, trying to pull her away. But she clung to him, heedless of the uniform she was mussing or her dress. After a moment, Riley's arms went around her waist and he hugged her, coming out of his stupor.

**Welcome back, buddy,** Graham thought with a sigh, giving Riley a tight grin when he looked up at him.

But his relief was short lived when Brian looked at Riley and said, "Ry? Can you tell us what happened?" Graham felt the breath catch in his chest as he waited along with the others for Riley to speak.

Riley's voice was gravelly to start with, like he hadn't spoken for months. The sound of it made Karin wince and hide her head in his shoulder. "We were in Queensland, Brian. S-sam always wanted to see the Great Barrier Reef."

His mother's hand came to rest on his other shoulder and Conner got up to make room for her. Riley didn't acknowledge her presence. He stared straight ahead, eyes fixed on a point at the far wall. "I was on assignment, got called in at the last minute. So the squad went snorkeling, She promised to catch me dinner."

When Riley paused, Graham picked up the story. "We swam for a couple hours and took in quite a haul of fish... Sam got the most as usual. Then we came in and set about cleaning the fish and building a firepit. Sam was tending to the boat when I heard her gasp..." Graham faltered and glanced over at Riley.

Who didn't answer, just stared at the same spot until he felt his mother's fingers tighten over his. The word stumbled past his lips. "Stonefish..."

"Oh fu-... damn, Ry." Brian caught himself before that word got out of his mouth. Rachel Finn didn't cotton to the use of that particular word in their home and they all knew it. "Instantaneous..."

"What? What are you talking about?" Maureen pushed off from her spot by the wall. "It's poisonous?"

"Completely." This time Connor spoke up, he was the one with the degree in biology and his specialty had been toxicology. "Death in ten minutes or less. Very painful."

"Very..." Graham muttered before snapping out of his daze and looking around, "W-We called for a chopper and did everything we knew how... but we... We couldn't save her." He dropped his head and let his shoulders sag as the shame and guilt swept over him again. "I let Ry down... Promised to watch out for her... But I lost her... Even tried CPR."

"Gray, it's not your fault." Riley actually looked at him this time. Looked him right in the eye. "Not your fault. One of the risks of the reef."

"Oh, honey." Rachel breathed, her arm sliding around Riley's shoulders. "They didn't tell us anything. Just told us Sam was gone and you were bringing her home."

"Mom... I wish you could have met her. She was... she was..."

"Everything to you. I know. I got your letters, remember. And I have the pictures. She was beautiful, Riley." She kissed her son's cheek, wishing that he would let her comfort him more. But he was a man now, not a little boy. He wouldn't crawl into her lap any more, looking for kisses or cuddles or for her to make it all better.

Graham shifted uneasily knowing there was more and not sure if he could stand the re-telling of it. He'd wait until they were alone to tell Riley of his promise to return to Sunnydale with him. He'd tell his friend of promising to find Buffy, a promise he'd made to a dying woman lying in his arms.

**Buffy...She wants me to take him back to Buffy.** Graham turned away as a bitter taste filled his mouth, threatening to choke him. **I'll do it, Sam. But only because I promised...**

"Karin, did you get the puzzle box we sent you?" Riley asked quietly and his sister lifted her head from his shoulder and gave him a quizzical look. She nodded slowly. "Why don't you go get it? There's a trick to it that I wanted to show you."

Graham watched Karin leave the room and listened to her feet pounding up the kitchen stairs, before he turned his attention back to Riley and watched the carefully guarded mask start to slip away again...

"Mom," Riley looked into his mother's eyes and saw the pain there. Pain for him as well as love. "There's more. I didn't want Karin to hear this. But... Sam was... she was..."

"Oh God." Somehow, she knew, she knew. Donna's right hand covered her mouth while she curled in around herself. Protecting her own baby, due in about a month or so. The baby kicked, a feeble protest at her actions.

"Oh fuck." Brian's exclamation hung in the air as he hurried to his own wife. Holding her close, his hand splayed over her stomach in sympathy for what his brother had lost along with his wife.

Graham shifted uneasily and crossed his arms across his chest. He was steadfastly staring a hole in the floor just in front of his right shoe. He knew the pain of losing a loved one, but to lose your own flesh and blood? Couldn't fathom that at all.

"My boy," Rachel breathed, uncaring of Riley's dignity now. She knew there was something worse, worse than losing his new bride. And here it was. Wrapping her arms around him, Rachel kissed Riley's cheek. They'd always been a close family, always touching and hugging and right now her boy needed this, military stoicism bedamned.

No tears, there were no tears even though they stung his eyes and his throat was thick with them. He'd grieve when this was done. When the box was lowered in the ground and the last bugle note faded away. That's when he would cry.

Karin returned with the puzzle box and looked at the grownups curiously, aware something more had been said in her absence. Because Donna was pale and Brian was rubbing her shoulders, Maureen was wiping her eyes and her mother was weeping quietly. She walked over to Riley and held up the little box, "Here Ry. What does it do?"

Graham straightened up as the cramp returned in his leg. He shifted his weight and then left the room as quietly as possible to walk it off again. He told himself his leaving was because of his leg, deep down he knew it was to shore up his nerve.

Taking the box in both hands, hands that thankfully did not tremble, Riley held it for a moment, turning it over. He depressed a hidden spot and the box opened, a small compartment in the bottom sliding away to reveal a tiny set of pearl earrings.

He'd bought them in Hong Kong, arguing the merchant down while Sam watched. His Mandarin wasn't the best but it was good enough to get them a discount on both the box and the earrings.

"Oh!" Karin breathed as he dropped the earrings in her outstretched hand, "They're beautiful, Riley!" She wrapped her arms around his neck and snuggled back in his lap when he leaned back. "Thank you" she murmured leaning her cheek against his shoulder, turning the treasure over and over in her hands.

Graham limped to the sink and got himself a glass of water, wondering briefly when was the last time he'd had anything to eat or drink. He honestly couldn't remember, not that he was hungry.

"You're welcome, squirt." Grateful for the respite, Riley watched his sister play with the earrings for a minute. She looked up from them, checked all the faces of the adults in the room and knew something was up and also knew it wouldn't get discussed unless she left.

Judging the look on her mother's face, it was probably time to leave and leave without making a fuss. Gathering up the box and her other treasures, Karin leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I'll make sure to thank Sam for them."

Graham turned around when he felt someone watching him from the doorway. He smiled at Karin and murmured, "Whatcha got there?" When she showed him the earrings, he nodded, "Yeah, you'll look as grown up as Mo in those." The young girl broke into a big grin and nodded at him, then she continued on up the stairs. He took a deep breath and then headed back for the den, Riley would need all the support he could get now.

There were so many questions she wanted to ask, but none that were appropriate. Rachel patted Riley's hand, his eyes meeting hers for a minute or two. He hadn't been like this, not since his return from Sunnydale the last time. When he'd hidden in his room for days on end and she'd heard little sobs coming through the walls and under the door.

More in control, Riley was more in control now than he had been then. But there was something so fragile about him. One wrong word, one wrong touch and he'd crumble to dust before their very eyes.

"How long will you stay, Ry?" Maureen asked finally moving closer to him, hesitant to say too much. Afraid she would only wound him with her words. "You don't have to go back right away do you?"

"I'm sure our boys would love to see their uncle too. When you're up to it." Brenda commented quietly giving him a sad smile. "They love it when you and... When you'd send them postcards from everywhere."

"I've got a month's leave. Mandatory for b-bereavement." Break in his voice on the last word and Riley swallowed it down along with the lump in his throat. "Colonel says he doesn't want to see my ugly mug until then."

"Son, you are welcome here as long as you want to stay. Your mother and I'd love having you around." Patrick Finn spoke up. "I can always use another man around this house, too many hens, not enough roosters!"

Graham chuckled at that and looked at Riley, "Sounds like your Dad would be grateful to you for evening the odds a little. Someone else to run off all those boys coming to see Maureen there." Maureen rolled her eyes at Graham but couldn't help but smile.

Sighing in relief, Riley relaxed into the couch. The brittleness had worn off his family and they were back to their usual teasing ways. He could watch but the ice around his heart wouldn't let him join in with anything more than a half-hearted smile or a nod.

It was good to be home. It hurt to be home but it hurt to be anywhere. It hurt to think. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to live.

As everyone began to relax and talk and joke quietly, Graham excused himself again and headed out on the back porch. The sun was just setting and the field west of the house was ablaze with color in the fading light. He stood watching the sun dip behind the horizon and another chill gripped his heart. Tomorrow it would all be over, another military send-off.

Men in uniform, the report of rifles in the 21-gun salute, another folded flag and the mumbled words of loss and condolences. Only this time he'd be saying those words to the best friend he had in the world.

Graham took a deep breath and braced his hands on the porch railing. It was times like this he regretted not walking away from it all when they'd been given the chance. But, deep down he realized it was all he knew... What he was best at. Making the world a safer place...

Before the sun went down completely, Graham felt a solid presence beside him. He turned and Riley was there, looking out toward the west. "Beautiful, isn't it? No matter where I go, I still think sunsets here are the best in the world."

"Yeah, I'll give you that." Graham nodded. "I love it here, you know? So different than Jacksonville or Chicago or Bangkok. Peaceful."

Graham continued to watch the horizon, vaguely aware that he was scanning for movement and mentally shaking himself. There were no hostiles here, nothing untoward lurking in the growing shadows. "Don't see why it couldn'ta been me..."

"What do you mean, Gray? Wishing you could've died in her place?" While not warm, Riley's tone was not icy either. Just neutral, colorless and washed out. The strain of the past few days evident in the line of his shoulder, the tilt of his chin, the cool grey-green of his eyes as he watched the brilliant colors wash over the snow-laden lawn.

"Yeah, not like I'd be missed that much." Graham sighed, "You two had it all going for you... Just me railing at the Fates, Ry. I've never let you down until now." He turned his head to look at his friend. "So...Yeah, I wish it'd been me."

"Losing Sam is hard, Gray. Hardest thing I've ever done. But you didn't let me down." His eyes flicked to Graham's face for a second or two before drifting back to the orange orb sinking into the far horizon. **When I kiss you, I'll make the sun go down. Sam, the sun's gone from my life... forever.**

"Ry? Sh-She made me promise something... Sam made me promise to take you back... Back to Sunnydale." Graham turned to face Riley, "I promised I would."

"Sunnydale?" Hollow voice, hollow word, echo of something from a lifetime ago. Ancient pain, covered in hoarfrost and ash - too ancient to contemplate in this moment of fresh grief. Sharp and bloody, stripping away his skin and leaving behind nothing but raw nerves. "Why Sunnydale? There's nothing for me there."

"She didn't want you to be alone... Wanted you to find her." Graham plunged on before he lost his nerve. "She asked me to take you back to find Buffy... She said you still loved her and should be with her." There. He'd said it. Graham squared his shoulders and awaited the storm that was brewing in his friend and commander's eyes.

"Just like Sam to boss me around even from..." Riley bit the words off, his jaw tight as he stared towards the west. Towards Sunnydale and the only other woman he'd every loved. "Dammit... If that's her dying wish, I can't deny it."

"I don't want to go there either. Trust me." Graham said trying to keep the edge out of his voice. "Won't care if I ever saw that damn place again, but I promised her and I'll go." He closed his eyes and swallowed the bad taste that was creeping up his throat. Sunnydale, California was the last place on earth Graham Miller wanted to go. Especially not now, not with Riley so unstable.

"Later. We'll go later." Riley's hand thumped on Graham's shoulder, patting it awkwardly. "We'll go." Jaw still working, the last of the sunlight fading around them, the two men looked out into the world from the shelter of the porch. **I'll go when Hell freezes over.**

"Yeah, later..." Graham nodded, glad that much was off his chest. There was more Sam had said...but it could wait until later too.

"Aren't you boys about frozen?" Patrick asked as he stepped out onto the porch, "Rachel was getting worried about you. Told her you knew better how to survive in the cold than the rest of us. But, you know your mother." He said with a soft smile, proud of his wife and yes, proud of his son. "When she gets something in her head, there's no shaking it."

"Just watching the sunset." Graham said, tilting his head toward the fading light. "Don't get to do that much in our line of work. Do we, Ry?"

"Nope. Sunsets are rare. Peaceful ones anyway." One last look at the sun and Riley turned on his heel. "I'm going back in. Gonna get some rest." His shoulders slumped as he reached for the door. "I'm tired."

"Okay son, might be a good idea." Patrick said watching Riley's back as he went through the door, then he turned to Graham, "Will he open up to you? He's bottling the pain in."

"Not a lot, but I'm working on it." Graham told the older man, "We just have to give him time. He'll handle it in his own way...Always has."

**Dear God! The last time he was like this he nearly got himself drained dry by some whacked-out version of a vamp crack whore.** Graham thought with a grimace, **At least I don't have to worry 'bout that here...But when we get to Sunnydale... whole different story.**

******

Graham rolled over, looked at his alarm clock and groaned inwardly. He'd only managed to get a couple hours of sleep and now it was time to rise and shine.

He sighed heavily and rolled to a sitting position blinking at the sunshine already streaming in through his window. As he sat there he could hear the muted sounds of movement in the room next door and realized Riley must be up too.

That figured, once a soldier...always a soldier. Ry would be doing his morning warm-ups just as he had for as long as Graham could remember. Yawning and stretching, Graham dropped to the floor and started his own work out. Pushups, then sit-ups then stretches, and finally a 5-mile run.

*****

**Push yourself, Finn. Gotta push yourself or you won't make it through the day.** Halfway through his 32nd push-up, Riley froze. Unable to move, unable to do anything but stare at the floor and wonder stupidly why the worn floorboards were wet. Where was the water coming from? Huge, fat drops of it that hit and spread, soaking into the wood between his hands.

The roof must've started leaking again. That had to be it. Couldn't be anything else.

So why couldn't he move? Why did it feel like his throat was going to seize up? Felt like he wanted to empty his stomach onto the floor, just keep doing it until there was nothing left to bring up. He wanted to scream, wanted to curl up in a ball and never see the light of day again. What was wrong with him?

What was wrong with him today?

Today.

Oh God.

Burying Sam today. Burying. Sam.

Head hanging between his hands, swallowing around a lump the size of a Suvolte demon. **Dammit... No. Can't break down now. Can't... Can't.**

*****

Graham shrugged on his sweatshirt and tucked in the drawstring to his sweatpants before pulling on his shoes and tying the laces. Then he opened his door and made his way down the hall to Riley's room, pausing a moment outside the door before he steadied himself and knocked. "Hey Buddy, want some company on your run?"

He waited for an answer and when none was forth coming, he knocked again a little louder. "Ry? You gonna run or what?"

*****

Someone was at the door. Gray was at the door and was asking for him. He was trying to say something. Something that would, please God, send him away. Didn't want to be seen like this. Couldn't be seen like this.

Frozen in place, arms locked, watching the puddle on the floor get bigger and bigger. And who was making that awful noise? The choked, snuffling sound. The one that Karin always made when the bullies used to pick on her, back when he still lived at home.

*****

Graham couldn't wait any longer and opened the door, "Buddy? You okay in... here...?" He stopped dead in his tracks at the scene before him. Riley was still doing his pushups although he appeared to be locked in place. He was sobbing and the floor was wet with tears.

He was torn between going to him or turning on his heel and leaving him to his grief. His decision was easy when Riley finally looked up at him. The completely devastated stare made Graham step inside and shut the door behind him. **Okay, now what Miller?**

"Ry, you gotta pull it together buddy. Sh-she wouldn't want this..."

"I... I..." Couldn't get even one word out. Riley's arms trembled, the elbows buckled and he was finally able to move. Sat back on his heels, wiped at his face and then stared at his hand. "Why is it wet?"

There was something inside of him that was broken. It was broken and no one could fix it. No one but Sam. "Where's Sam, Gray? Where is she?"

**Oh Sweet Jesus...** Graham moved to sit on the bed and handed Riley a discarded shirt to wipe his hands "Ry, Sam's gone... Remember? That's why we are here... We came to Huxley for her funeral."

"You've been crying Ry... It's okay, shed a few myself last night." Watching Riley's face for even a flicker of comprehension, Graham held his breath. Riley never cracked, he was a rock. Their rock, without him, the squad would fall apart.

Wiping at his face, Riley let the words sink in. And sank back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. When his voice finally decided to work again, it was that cold, detached tone that marked most of his conversation the day before. "Yeah. Guess I forgot... Gray, I wasn't there... Did it hurt?"

"No... Too fast... She went too fast to hurt much." Graham lied and hoped his face wouldn't betray him. The last thing Riley needed right now was to know that Sam had suffered, even if it was only briefly. "L-Like going to sleep..."

"Good. Never wanted her to suffer. Clean and quick. Best way to go." He drew his knees up to his chest and his hands dangled over them. Limp and broken, like Sam had been the last time he touched her. "I'm cracking up. Coming apart at the seams."

"No you're not... You are hurting. It's only normal to feel all jumbled. If it makes you feel any better, I kinda feel the same way." Graham told him, leaning back on his hands as he stared at the far wall, his mind replaying Sam's last minutes in his head. "I'm sorry, Ry... God knows, I never dreamed we'd be doing this."

"No. Always expected it would be me to go first." Finally Riley looked at Graham and his mouth quirked upward in a travesty of a smile. No need to say much else, especially when his hand moved and cupped the inside of his elbow. Covered the track-lines on his skin. White holes in otherwise bronzed flesh. Mute evidence. Permanent reminder of what passed for recreation in good old Sunnydale.

"Not on my watch..." Graham gritted between clenched teeth, then looked away. "Couldn't lose you buddy... You two were about all the family I got left..." Old anger and pain welled up in Graham as he thought of Sunnydale and everything that had gone down there. **Why in hell did I agree to take him back?**

He sat up again and sighed, "After all, I'm the 'Red shirt', remember? You - Kirk? Me - expendable."

Riley's smile turned into something warmer as he shook his head. "Sorry buddy, not up to doing the Shatner imitation. Maybe later." He unfolded himself, leaning forward to wipe up the last of his tears from the floor. "That's why I never buy you red shirts. Not expendable."

"Hmmm, and red is a good color on me." Graham grinned back as he stood up and started stretching again. "Good to see you smile, lets me know you're still in there."

"Yeah, I'm still here. Little rough around the edges." Rising to his feet, Riley turned his back on Graham. He looked out onto the bleak landscape. Black and white with brown as the only color visible. Just like his world. Everything to Riley was black or white, he had no room for grey.

"Ain't we all?" Graham chuckled as he headed for the door. "Ready to run? Been awhile since I did this in the snow. Last time was Nepal, I think. Damn near killed myself in a snow drift." Even as he mentioned Nepal, Graham could hear Sam's laughter as she'd helped him right himself when he'd decided to try jogging on snowshoes. It hadn't been a smart experiment.

Riley breathed on the window and watched the fog spread across it. Wrote her name there, fingertip sliding over the frigid glass and trailing off on the last letter. "Thought you were going to roll off that mountain." An ocean of sorrow lurked beneath his light tone.

Nepal - Sam - making love that night in that tiny tent. Laying down a framework for a family even though they didn't know it until weeks later.

A family now lost to him.

"Yeah, well the thought crossed my mind too and you know how I hate repelling." Graham nodded, leaning against the doorframe. "We've had some times haven't we? First you, me and Forrest... Then with that crazy bunch in good ole SunnyD, and now with our squad and Sam." He pushed off the frame and approached Riley, laying a hand on his shoulder, "If I could do it all over... I wouldn't change a thing except this..."

"Yeah. This I would definitely change..." Riley's voice trailed off much like Sam's name, the condensation dissipating and leaving behind nothing but a smear on the glass. Would that be all he was when his life finally ended? Just another smear on the glass? "Let's do that run. C'mon."

*****

Two hours later Graham was finishing up the last touches to his Dress Blues. He'd showered, shaved and polished his shoes. All that remained to be done was to get dressed, yet a part of him hoped that if he kept procrastinating it would never happen. They would never have to bury Sam.

He was rummaging in his bag looking for his extra pair of gloves when he heard new voices downstairs and realized the rest of their men were arriving. Despite his best efforts, the day would go on.

****

Straight and tall in front of the mirror, not that he was looking. Riley pulled on his own gloves and tightened his sash. The saber hung perfectly along his thigh, the tassels swaying as he picked his hat up off the dresser and tucked it under his arm. There were medals on his chest, catching the weak rays of sunlight. Had to look his best.

Had to look his best for Sam.

*****

Graham finished buttoning his jacket and straightened his shoulders, watching his image watching back. Dress Blues, worn for the happiest of occasions or the saddest... At least that had been Gray's experience. Too many funerals, far too few weddings and state functions.

When he was satisfied that every seam was straight, every medal in order and accounted for, Graham picked up his hat and headed out the door nearly colliding with a wide-eyed Karin. "Hey, Squirt, you should make more noise. Nearly ran you over." He chuckled moving her aside.

"You look like a poster, Gray." She said in awe.

"Nah, just me." He leaned closer to her and winked, "This collar is choking me! Can't wait to get back into my jeans and sweatshirt." Then with a grin, he moved on down the stairs, nodded to the assembled group as he mentally took count of his men.

They stood at attention and saluted him when he stepped into the room. Quick snap of the wrist, fingertips not quite touching brows and quick snap back. Each jaw tightly set, eyes forward as they acknowledged their XO and waited for the CO to join them.

There were heavy footsteps on the stairs, and after a moment, Riley appeared. Might as well have been forged out of iron. Back stiff and movements precise, he snapped a salute back at his men and stood a little apart, hands behind his back at parade rest.

That was how his family found him. Proud and tall, not a quaver, not a hint of what was going on behind his eyes. His brothers nodded, fully understanding that there was a time and place for grief and this was not it.

Only little Karin approached Riley, standing in front of him for a moment then moving to his side she reached for and took his hand. Giving it a squeeze, she looked up at her handsome brother, love shining along with the fresh tears in her eyes.

Graham dropped his head and swallowed hard, then he was back in control even as he caught Mason's glance out of the corner of his eye. "Ready when you are, Sir." He heard himself say.

Holding onto his sister's hand, Riley nodded to the troops. "Move out, gentlemen. We have a job to do today." Perfectly controlled, only Karin knew that he was shaking. She wanted to saw something but when she looked up at him there was nothing she could say. Riley hurt, her brother hurt and while she wanted to cry and scream and hold onto him, she knew he couldn't deal with it right now. He needed her to be strong.

To be strong for him.

*****

Graham couldn't have repeated a single word the minister had said if he'd been asked to. His mind was a million miles away and in a thousand different places at once, his own thoughts and images chasing out the droning of the minister's voice.

He idly mused on the spray of flowers on the casket, spring flowers in the dead of winter... The choir sang a song that he vaguely recalled singing himself as a child. He sighed heavily and dropped his head, watching his CO out of the corner of his eye. If it wasn't for an occasional blink, Riley Finn could have been a statue.

Graham looked up when Karin, who stood between them, patted his arm and held out a fresh tissue. With a smile and a nod, he accepted her offering and tried to focus on the sermon.

Utter silence in his head. Nothing got through, not the minister, not the sound of his sisters and sister-in-laws crying. Nothing... Until Riley heard the pipes and turned on his heel, clearly stunned.

His father stood beside him and said nothing, just nodded. Obvious who'd arranged for this part of his heritage to show up. Amazing Grace was haunting when sung but when played on the bagpipes, it was enough to bring even the strongest to tears. Riley found himself mouthing the words, "Amazing Grace. How sweet the sound. That saved a wretch like me."

Sam had saved him. Sam had saved him and now he was laying her to rest. His head bowed and the tears finally came again, hitting his hands and then pattering on the surface of the coffin.

Graham shivered involuntarily and closed his eyes as the pipes played on. He really could have done without that song; it brought back far too many memories of his own. They'd played it at his grandfather's funeral as well as his own father's. Graham blinked hard and heard his own breath catch in a sob; him breaking down was the last thing Riley needed. Wiping at his eyes wildly, he straightened up and struggled for control barely glancing at those around him as the song drew to a close.

He jumped when Karin took his hand and squeezed it. Graham spared her a half smile and then let the soldier in him take over. Shoulders back, chin high he was the picture of calm until the first rifle fired...

Seven shots, clear and distinct. Cracking loudly over the barren landscape. The first volley sent up a flock of crows from a nearby fallow field. Riley stood at attention, his arm held up, fingertips touching the brow of his hat in a perfect salute.

He held that pose through the second round and the third. Watched the puffs of smoke drift past his men, heard the screams from the last village they'd dropped into. Sam and Graham beside him. Gray with a flame-thrower and Sam had the grenade launcher and he was barking out orders. Keeping them safe, the brass' duty was to get the job done, his duty was to protect his men, keep the casualties low.

His men were standing in a straight line, rifles cocked and pointing toward the far horizon. Riley blinked and blinked again. No village, there was no village. And no flame-thrower and no... Sam.

The sorrow welled up, sent dark fingers of pain through his body, crushed the air from his lungs. His uniform collar was too tight and his wife was in that box. His wife and his baby. And the fucking world had just come to an end.

Riley dropped to his knees. Went down so suddenly that no one had time to react, let alone catch him. His head snapped back, hat tumbling off as he looked up toward heaven, opened his mouth to call her back... and no words would come.

**Oh fuck!** Graham thought as he scrambled around Karin reaching for Riley seconds after he went down. Riley was clawing at his throat now and making inarticulate noises, "Easy buddy... Hang on, you're gonna be fine."

Graham waved off Mason and Brian righting his best friend himself. Looking into Riley's eyes as he handed him back his hat he softly said, "Suck it up Finn... It's what she'd want." When Riley blinked, he turned him loose.

Riley blinked again and his eyes narrowed. He spoke without thinking, without even considering how much it would hurt. Sam was gone and he was alone and everything hurt. "Fuck you, Miller." Hard and cold and angry, Riley shook him off and walked away.

Went to stand at the head of the grave with the minister and spoke along with him as he intoned, "Oh Lord, we commend unto you the earthly remains of our loved one, Samantha Lynette Finn. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust."

Graham moved back into line with the others, face a stoic mask. He knew Riley hadn't meant what he sad. Yet it had cut just the same. Graham didn't acknowledge Karin when she looked up at him, or Patrick when he put a hand briefly on his shoulder. Some part of him agreed with Riley, **Fuck you Miller, this is all your fault.**

Graham stepped forward with Fitz, Mason and McIntyre each taking a corner of the flag draping Sam's coffin. He never looked in Riley's direction, just waited with the others.

Standing at parade rest, Riley watched as they folded the flag, covering up the fact that the coffin was being lowered at the same time. Eyes forward, back straight, he waited until Graham approached him and held the flag out. Heard the words of condolences, acknowledged them with a curt nod of his head as he took the flag from his friend and tucked it under his arm.

Not a waver, not a tear. He sucked it up, stood there and listened to everyone as they filed past. Shook their hands, accepted their hugs. He was cordial but cold and the light that had once shone in his eyes was gone. Probably forever.

When asked if he was riding back with the family, Graham respectfully declined and caught a ride with the others. He needed some distance to process and plot a course of action to deal with Riley's current attitude.

"Hey, Gray, you know Cappy didn't mean it..." McIntyre murmured as they left the churchyard.

"I know, Mack, but then...a part of him does. Hell, I feel the same way." Graham sighed heavily and rubbed at the throb starting in his temple. "Question is, what to do now?"

******

Riley waited by the grave until everyone had left except for the minister. He stared down at the gold band on his finger and wondered if there would ever be a time when his chest didn't hurt.

He doubted it.

There was a spray of white roses on one of the chairs. Riley picked them up, fingered a few of the petals and then knelt in the dirt. He laid them on her coffin, his final goodbye to his wife a silent one.

*****

Graham was silent himself for the rest of the drive to the Finn home, once there he excused himself as graciously as possible and went upstairs to pack. The monotony of that activity allowed him time to grieve way from prying eyes, and grieve he did. For his best friend, his best friend's wife and the child that would never be. Then he grieved for himself and a friendship that was heavily strained.

As he was stuffing the last of his things in his duffel bag there was a knock on his door. He opened it to find Patrick who was holding a portable phone.

"Graham? This gentleman says he needs to speak to you." The older man said his face full of concern.

"Thanks, I'll keep it short." Graham nodded with a slight grin.

Once Mr. Finn had walked away, Gray put the phone to his ear, "Miller here."

"Sorry to bother you, Lt., but we have a situation in an old familiar haunt of yours." His Colonel's deep voice boomed in his ear. "You up for a jump to Sunnydale, California?"

Graham groaned inwardly, "Sunnydale? I'd rather just be fed to a pack of rabid werewolves, but I'm there."

*****

His mother had waited for him, giving Riley time for private grief. She stood beside the car, black gloves and black-veiled hat and black dress. Proper and sober and just what he needed right now. When he approached, she took his hand and held onto it, looking up into his face.

Her boy, her darling boy. And though she'd never tell the rest of her brood, her favorite. Riley was the best of the best, the one who'd stood out even amidst her exceptional children. To see him like this, broken and shuttered and in such obvious pain, tore at her.

Riley couldn't look at her; he stared at a point in the distance and finally found some words from somewhere. "Probably should get back. We're... we're d-done here. It's over. It's all over."

That did it. Rachel Finn placed both hands on her son's shoulders and she shook him. "Riley Sionan Finn. You listen to me." He looked at her. Then, the coldness replaced by confusion and a bit of something that might be annoyance. Good. She needed that.

"Your life is not over. Don't you give me any guff, young man. Your life is not over." He tried to pull away but she held on, fierce in her strength. She was a mother, she was a mother of boys like lions and that made her a lioness. She would not let him give up. "Sam wouldn't want that. She needs you to go on. As long as you live and you remember her, she'll never die."

*****

Graham ended the call and stared at the phone. Sunnydale. Well, wasn't that convenient? All nicely wrapped up with a bow, except... Except Riley wouldn't be going back with them. He wouldn't be going anywhere for at least a month. **Okay, so now how do I get him there?**

Graham 's thoughts were interrupted by McIntyre and Mason.

"You good?" Mason asked lounging against the bedroom's doorframe.

"No. No, I'm not. Just got the call we are headed to Sunnyhell, C.A." Graham said with a deep sigh. "Somewhere, someone really hates me."

"Jeez! What? No Yetis with snow madness?" Mason groaned and shook his head.

"Yeah, that's what I said." Graham chuckled, "But you go where they tell you..."

"What's so bad about Sunny… Hell?" McIntyre asked looking from one man to another.

"Hang on pardner, you are about to find out." Graham said clapping the younger man on the shoulder.

*****

For a moment, Rachel thought she was going to hear her son's roar. And she welcomed it because it would mean that he'd decided to come back to life. Instead, she felt a hand on her cheek, one that wiped away the tears that streamed unnoticed down her face.

Riley smiled, shadows of sadness in his eyes, shadows that would take years to fade. "Thanks for the pep-talk, General Finn. Think we could go home now?"

Humor would work. She could live with that. "I love you. Never forget that. You are the best son a mother could hope for."

"Love you too. Best mom in the world... especially if you don't make me clean the latrine with a toothbrush." Slyness replaced some of the sadness and Riley found that his heart was a little lighter. Shared pain and shared laughter. No need to do this alone. He wasn't alone...

"I think I'll let you slide this time." Rachel's smile hurt, felt too sharp and a bit too desperate. She'd grieved last night, in the privacy of their room and in the circle of her husband's arms. Wept for her son and for the daughter-in-law she'd never met and the baby she would never hold.

Riley's baby, her brave son's child.

They watched each other for a few minutes more before Riley held his hand out for the keys. Not terribly surprised, Rachel handed them to him and nodded as he opened the door for her. All of her boys had good manners, when they remembered them.

Riley joined her in the car, set his hat down between them on the seat and started it up. "So..." he drawled as they drove away from the cemetery. "how about them broncos?"

*****

Graham carried his bags downstairs and set them by the backdoor, he'd leave with the rest of their men. Maybe it would be best to just go without more words... Let it ride. Riley would come around eventually, and Graham really didn't blame his friend his anger. He'd have felt the same way.

He was looking out the window as the final car drove up. Time to say goodbye to the family, straightening up Graham made his way to the den and the others. He'd changed back into his jeans and sweatshirt. Karin gave him a big grin, he winked at her and then shook hands with her brothers and father. "Thanks for putting me up, Sir. Wish it had been under more pleasant circumstances."

Brian looked at Graham and at his packed bag and snorted. "Like you think you're going to get away that easy, Miller? Right."

He grabbed Graham's arm and frog-marched him over to the couch. Tossed him down into it despite his little sister's cry of outrage and Mo's snicker. "Sit your ass down. You've got this noble streak a mile wide which is probably why you get along with my bro so well. First-class martyrs, both of you."

Connor was laughing behind his hand and Patrick struggled mightily to keep from smiling. They watched as Graham tried to get up and was shoved back down again. He and Brian were about the same height but while Graham was broader, Brian was stronger and he had the added advantage of being pissed.

"Just because Riley mouthed off at you, doesn't give you the right to take a powder. He needs you. We're his family and we love him but you're the one who's been through this shit with him. You know him better than we do."

"Brian, I have orders. We... Me and the others have to go." Graham said, struggling not to sound irritated. "Okay... Maybe not this second, but soon," he sighed and leaned back against the couch, "I can't help if he won't talk to me."

Graham looked up Brian Finn, "Besides, I'm really not up to having my as… rump kicked just now, you know?"

"Mo, Karin - go." Brian ordered, short and sharp. The girls started to protest but one look from him was all it took and they were scampering upstairs. "If Riley's looking to kick somebody's ass, The boxing gloves are out in the barn. Jesus, Gray, if I thought it would help I'd whip the tar out of him. He needs a familiar face right now, one that will tell him the truth and not dress it up. Think you can do the job?"

Graham was off the couch, eyes flashing, "I've never let him down. Never! But how in the hell do I fix this? I'd die for him, nearly have several times over... Am I up to the job?! I've made a career out of saving Riley Finn!" Graham was nearly nose-to-nose with Brian and trembling with rage.

Mason took a step forward and the other men tensed as well, Brian was pushing all the wrong buttons. Especially with what lay in store for Graham and his best friend.

Brian's reaction was nothing that Graham would have expected. Though he should have, knowing the Finns as well as he did. Riley's brother didn't step back. Instead he chucked Graham on the shoulder and grinned. "Good. Nice to know you're still in there, Miller. Had me worried for a minute."

He'd been watching Graham go through the motions, knew that he carried a load of grief and guilt around that would choke a horse. This whole thing, this whole foray into testosterone had done its job. It had snapped Graham back into the real world.

"Brian... Man, you love to live dangerously, don't you?" Graham sighed, shook his head and started to chuckle. "Not wise to provoke a man that knows how to kill with a toothpick, ya know?" He reached out and lightly punched Brian in the chest. "But thanks for the wake-up call."

"I guess this means the furniture is safe then?" Karin chimed in, peeping around the corner. "Been awhile since we had wrassling in the living room!"

"Yeah... No breaking things. Hey, you were supposed to be upstairs!" Graham gave the little girl a mock frown.

"Yup, but me an' Mo had a bet. She said Bri would take you, I said not a chance!"

That did it, Graham was laughing out loud now all the earlier tension gone. He'd forgotten just how much he loved this family... God! If only things were different for Ry...

There was laughter coming from the house. Riley heard it from the front walk and it sounded like Graham. A smile quirked the corner of his mouth as he held the gate for his mother, escorting her to the porch. It did him a world of good to hear that laugh.

Riley was still smiling when he walked into the house. Hat tucked under his arm and saber tucked in close. Brian caught sight of him first, that smile was very encouraging. "Hey, Ry. Get in here. Graham needs his butt kicked."

"Now see, that ain't ever happened! He used to whip Forrest on a regular basis but he's never got me." Graham laughed, knowing that would get a rise out of Riley. "Not since college anyway." He was pleased to see the smile back too. "Tell him, Ry... Tell him who's tougher?"

"It's not you, Miller." Mason spoke up, "Seem to recall you losing a boxing match not to long ago... Think we were in Hong Kong at the time."

"Now, look, you can't count that... We'd been up all night carousing and it was on a dare!" Graham protested.

"And I cleaned your clock. Dare or not." Riley shot back, stripping off his gloves. His father took them from him along with his mother's and both of their hats. The melancholy was wearing off. He knew the pain still lurked and would rise up to bite him when he was alone but for right now...

He was going to do what his mother and his wife wanted him to do.

He was going to live his life. Was going to take whatever came. Look the monsters in the eye and spit in their faces. Just like Sam would have done.

And when it was done. When his life was over... he'd see her again. See her and their son and Riley...

Riley could deal with that.